Straight men's attraction to women with penises is a well-known phenomenon, but gay men's analogous attraction to men with vaginas is relatively obscure. I describe it and discuss the parallels.
Thank you so much for your post. I know this post is about gay men, but my girlfriend has this specific interest as well. I am glad that you make this post, so I can understand her better.
Ok then. I think I would consider my sexual orientation as “ submissive”. Meaning, I identify as a cis hetero male, but, as I say to my wife- I’ll be submissive for anybody. We’ve been with men as a sub👍, otherwise, “eh”, and with pre-op transsexuals-awesome!( I’m old and my mind is blanking on the proper term, sorry. Just assume “ shemale” is wrong).
Anyway, I seem to have 2 main fetishes/ desires. One is, I’m desperate to have breasts, and the other, is to still have my penis, but to nullify it in any way as possible. I’ve numbed it with lidocaine, wrapped it with ace bandages so I can’t get to it, chastity devices, erotic hypnosis to be unable to touch it/ imagine there’s a chastity device on it, I haven’t tried it yet but I see there are things cashed Fufu clips, when I spoon my wife in bed she “ makes me” tuck it between my legs when I push up against her. Anything. I want it “ gone”, but actual surgery doesn’t interest me.
Luckily, my wife wants a cock as much as I want tits, so we really do match- before I met her I never even entertained the thought of giving a blowjob, but, I gladly go down on her various dildoes
My point of writing this is to compliment Beta for writing about all of the variety out there- that when I read the essays, I see a little of myself in the people and wanted to be part of it.
You mentioned wanting to have breasts, so I think you might have autogynephilia (arousal by the idea of being a woman or behaving like a woman). Is this correct? If so, are you also aroused by the idea of having a vagina?
That is very interesting that you still want to keep the penis but wish to make it dysfunctional. I suppose this is a manifestation of masochism. Are you into CBT? And are you aroused by fantasies of castration?
Totally turned on by the thought of being a woman/ having breasts. flFor 20+ years now when my wife and I have had intercourse or mutually masturbated we have talked about feeling the “switch”. We absolutely take on opposite roles. Even when we start to make vanilla love, it always becomes a gender swap.
It certainly is masochistic with my penis. I don’t want a vagina, but I want to get fucked by my wife’s cock. I like watching some CBT, but in practice I still get a little too jumpy ( the numbing lidocaine certainly helped that)
That's fascinating that you and your wife are compatible in that way. Many wives of autogynephilic men struggle to accept these fantasies, but you seem like you're in a good situation.
I know I’m very lucky to have found her. The only kink that she’s ever hesitated with was my enjoyment of erotic hypnosis. She’s ok with me listening to it, but it’s very rare that she’ll really want to participate.
As I write I recall one interesting thing- when we first started dating and experimenting, I absolutely had my desire for breasts, but I remember her asking if I’ve ever wanted to suck a cock. I said “no”. …A few years later she had me doing it. I think that’s the submissive identity aspect of who I am.
Can’t complain, though.
Wait- the above was me just storytelling, but I’m wondering if this is a real observation: I’m 63 and I notice I enjoy edging and not coming for extended periods of time. Is this me liking the build up of sexual tension which is harder to achieve now that I’m older? Meaning, as a young man sex was a thing that you could do as often as you wished, but now, I’ll come, but it’s going to be at least a day, usually a little more, before I start to get revved up again. And I miss that feeling. If I’m involved in a long drawn out story ( kinky relationship) then I get to be wound up longer. Heck, even writing this is part of it.
I don't know the answer to that question but some men choose testosterone replacement therapy to counteract the effects of age. There is also PDE-5 inhibitors (like Cialis). I don't know if these would work for you, but it's worth looking into.
I’m really enjoying this series of essays. I find myself wondering if I fit various identities as I read about them. Do you want me to share my own desires/ fantasies, or will that just turn it into a “ porn” discussion instead of an exploration of what people are experiencing. It’s fascinating all the same. Thanks
Thanks! Please do share your thoughts. I'd love for the comment section of my Substack to become an open place of exchange of ideas, even if those ideas involve discussions about pornography.
Thank you so much for your post. I know this post is about gay men, but my girlfriend has this specific interest as well. I am glad that you make this post, so I can understand her better.
You mean she is attracted to men with vaginas?
Yep!
Ok then. I think I would consider my sexual orientation as “ submissive”. Meaning, I identify as a cis hetero male, but, as I say to my wife- I’ll be submissive for anybody. We’ve been with men as a sub👍, otherwise, “eh”, and with pre-op transsexuals-awesome!( I’m old and my mind is blanking on the proper term, sorry. Just assume “ shemale” is wrong).
Anyway, I seem to have 2 main fetishes/ desires. One is, I’m desperate to have breasts, and the other, is to still have my penis, but to nullify it in any way as possible. I’ve numbed it with lidocaine, wrapped it with ace bandages so I can’t get to it, chastity devices, erotic hypnosis to be unable to touch it/ imagine there’s a chastity device on it, I haven’t tried it yet but I see there are things cashed Fufu clips, when I spoon my wife in bed she “ makes me” tuck it between my legs when I push up against her. Anything. I want it “ gone”, but actual surgery doesn’t interest me.
Luckily, my wife wants a cock as much as I want tits, so we really do match- before I met her I never even entertained the thought of giving a blowjob, but, I gladly go down on her various dildoes
My point of writing this is to compliment Beta for writing about all of the variety out there- that when I read the essays, I see a little of myself in the people and wanted to be part of it.
You mentioned wanting to have breasts, so I think you might have autogynephilia (arousal by the idea of being a woman or behaving like a woman). Is this correct? If so, are you also aroused by the idea of having a vagina?
That is very interesting that you still want to keep the penis but wish to make it dysfunctional. I suppose this is a manifestation of masochism. Are you into CBT? And are you aroused by fantasies of castration?
Totally turned on by the thought of being a woman/ having breasts. flFor 20+ years now when my wife and I have had intercourse or mutually masturbated we have talked about feeling the “switch”. We absolutely take on opposite roles. Even when we start to make vanilla love, it always becomes a gender swap.
It certainly is masochistic with my penis. I don’t want a vagina, but I want to get fucked by my wife’s cock. I like watching some CBT, but in practice I still get a little too jumpy ( the numbing lidocaine certainly helped that)
That's fascinating that you and your wife are compatible in that way. Many wives of autogynephilic men struggle to accept these fantasies, but you seem like you're in a good situation.
I know I’m very lucky to have found her. The only kink that she’s ever hesitated with was my enjoyment of erotic hypnosis. She’s ok with me listening to it, but it’s very rare that she’ll really want to participate.
As I write I recall one interesting thing- when we first started dating and experimenting, I absolutely had my desire for breasts, but I remember her asking if I’ve ever wanted to suck a cock. I said “no”. …A few years later she had me doing it. I think that’s the submissive identity aspect of who I am.
Can’t complain, though.
Wait- the above was me just storytelling, but I’m wondering if this is a real observation: I’m 63 and I notice I enjoy edging and not coming for extended periods of time. Is this me liking the build up of sexual tension which is harder to achieve now that I’m older? Meaning, as a young man sex was a thing that you could do as often as you wished, but now, I’ll come, but it’s going to be at least a day, usually a little more, before I start to get revved up again. And I miss that feeling. If I’m involved in a long drawn out story ( kinky relationship) then I get to be wound up longer. Heck, even writing this is part of it.
I don't know the answer to that question but some men choose testosterone replacement therapy to counteract the effects of age. There is also PDE-5 inhibitors (like Cialis). I don't know if these would work for you, but it's worth looking into.
I’m really enjoying this series of essays. I find myself wondering if I fit various identities as I read about them. Do you want me to share my own desires/ fantasies, or will that just turn it into a “ porn” discussion instead of an exploration of what people are experiencing. It’s fascinating all the same. Thanks
Thanks! Please do share your thoughts. I'd love for the comment section of my Substack to become an open place of exchange of ideas, even if those ideas involve discussions about pornography.