The structure of male submissive sexual fantasies: Female sexual infidelity
The category that deals with sexual fantasies of cheating and cuckolding, and how they intertwine with other kinks.
This is part of a series of essays that collectively survey male submissive kinks. Find the Table of contents here.
There are men who have sexual fantasies of their female partner’s sexual infidelity. A man of this inclination is aroused by imagining the humiliation he would feel if he were to suffer the betrayal of his beloved girlfriend or wife. He can imagine this betrayal in a vast range of scenarios. This category surveys these scenarios and all the different facets of sexual fantasies of infidelity.
These facets include the nomenclature of cuck and bull, how the infidelity can take place either through cheating or by negotiated arrangement, the self-referential humiliation for being aroused by the idea of infidelity, the different rationales that can lead the woman to infidelity, the romantic and sexual dynamic of a cuckolding relationship, the ways in which the man can facilitate the woman’s infidelity or participate in it, the ways in which he can serve the lovers and physically suffer at their hands, the incorporation of racial stereotypes, arousal by infidelity in retrospect, infidelity on special occasions such as the wedding night, compounded betrayal through the violation of negotiated rules, the woman’s pregnancy by another man, adjacent fantasies that play on the female partner’s promiscuity, and finally analogous fantasies that take place not in the context of a romantic relationship but in that of a platonic friendship.
Cucks and bulls
Due to his female partner’s sexual infidelity, the man becomes a “cuckold”—the pejorative word used to refer to a man who is cheated on, often shortened to “cuck”. The term cuckold comes from the cuckoo bird family, some species of which engage in a curious reproductive strategy called brood parasitism.
Instead of raising its own offspring, a brood parasite tricks another animal into unwittingly raising it in its place. A brood parasite bird, for example, might sneak into another bird’s nest and kick one of the eggs out, replacing it with its own. This is done in the hope that the absent bird will fail to notice the switch. If the brood parasitism is successful, the duped bird will raise and invest in an offspring that is not its own.1
A man with the cuckolding kink fantasizes about his female partner’s sexual infidelity. He imagines her having sex with another man who is usually called a “bull”, in reference to his presumed sexual potency and virility. The bull is imagined to be superior to the cuckold, hence why the woman enters into a sexual relationship with the bull, betraying her loyalty to her boyfriend or husband.
In some fantasies, the bull is not given a specific identity; he is simply imagined to be a superior faceless man. In other fantasies, the bull is identified as a specific person in real life or cast in specific roles in the life of the cuckold and his female partner. For example, the bull can be the cuckold’s boss, the cuckold’s best friend, the cuckold’s bully from high school, the woman’s ex-boyfriend, her boss, her coworker, her personal trainer, etc. Some fantasies even cast the cuckold’s family members in the role of the bull.
Whereas most cuckolding fantasies involve a virile male bull who is imagined to be sexually superior to the cuckold, some fantasies cast another woman in the role of the lover. In these fantasies, the new woman is typically imagined to be a sexually attractive lesbian who seduces the cuckold’s girlfriend or wife. By fantasizing about another female in the bull’s role, the man who has these fantasies can avoid any and all aspects of homosexuality which might be uncomfortable to some. This motivation undoubtedly plays a role in at least some fantasies of being cuckolded by a woman.
Cheating
Cuckolding fantasies come in many different flavors. In some, the sexual infidelity takes place without the man’s knowledge. In this case, the woman cheats on her male partner and the affair is kept a secret until it comes to light one way or another. The cuckold can accidentally discover the infidelity on his own or learn of it from someone else, like a female friend of the woman’s. Alternatively, the confession can come from the woman herself.
The female partner’s thoughts about her infidelity and the attitude she has about it also leads to different scenarios in cuckolding fantasies. In some, the woman regrets her transgression and confesses to her boyfriend or husband out of guilt, promising to never stray again.
This can happen in scenarios where the woman is seduced into having sex with another man without premeditation in the “one thing led to another” type of situation. For example, the woman can be seduced into having sex with another man while she is on a work trip, or with a stranger while she parties on a night out. The seduction of the woman can include her intoxication with alcohol as a facilitator to the cheating.
In these fantasies, the man might react angrily to the infidelity, driving the woman to beg and implore him, asking him to forgive her and to stay with her. She can even be brought to tears in her attempts to fan the flames of jealousy and to assuage the man’s ire.
In these attempts, she can use her sexuality to her advantage, seducing the man into having sex with her. Despite his strong feelings about the infidelity and his desire to break up with the woman in consequence, the man’s sexual desire for her overpowers him and he gives in to the urges, forfeiting his jealousy and his resolve to end his involvement with the woman. Therein lies the subtle humiliation.
Such a dynamic can further evolve into future episodes of infidelity as the woman becomes more confident in her ability to rein in her partner’s jealousy and to keep him by her side despite her cheating. In such a case, the initial remorse felt by the woman in the first transgression fades away as she actively starts to pursue more cheating opportunities.
In other fantasies, the woman’s apology for the infidelity is not so sincere. Some men specifically fantasize about the subtle humiliation to be found in such a dishonest apology. In this case, the woman tries her best to express regret for her actions but, in retelling what happened, her words betray the greater sexual satisfaction she derived from the encounter with her lover.
In yet other scenarios, the woman has no guilt whatsoever about her cheating, thinking her actions fully justified. When the infidelity comes to light, the cuckold is confronted with the woman’s defiant justification which is often based on the man’s shortcomings in the relationship or marriage. The cuckold is forced to accept his humiliation and to submit to his female partner’s will when it comes to the future of their conjugal relations.
Arrangement
The aforementioned scenarios involve cheating without the man’s knowledge. Alternatively, the woman can inform the man of her intention to take on other lovers before acting on it. The key element in these fantasies is the interaction that the woman has with the cuckold-to-be in which the future infidelity is discussed. Such an interaction can be arrived at in a variety of ways.
In some scenarios, the woman sits the man down for a serious talk. She informs him of her dissatisfaction with the status quo of their relationship or marriage and her wish to sleep with other men. The rationale driving this decision is exposed further ahead in this text.
In communicating her reasons for wishing to have sex with other men, the woman can take different attitudes. In some fantasies, she is embarrassed to broach the topic, genuinely concerned not to hurt her male partner’s feelings, yet trying her best to communicate her ideas while delicately navigating all the nuances.
In this case, she is almost reluctant to step out of the relationship or the marriage, yet she is driven by force of circumstance to seek in others what she cannot find in the partner she chose. This subtle element of force majeure can lead to a great deal of arousal in the cuckolding fantasies of some men.
In other fantasies, the woman is nonchalant about her decision, informing the man about her future plans to have sex with others as if it were not a big deal, brushing it off as only a minor consideration. Some men are aroused by this nonchalant attitude that greatly minimizes the woman’s infidelity, which in reality is a major transgression.
In yet other fantasies, the woman is cruel and revels in informing the boyfriend or husband of her intention to cuckold him, deriving pleasure from his humiliation and from the imposition of her will.
In the aforementioned scenarios, the infidelity is the woman’s idea and she is the one who brings it up with the man. In other scenarios, a cuckolding arrangement is suggested by a third party which is most often a figure of authority, such as a therapist or a counselor.
For example, the couple who experiences difficulties in the relationship or marriage can decide to start therapy for couples. The therapist, an attractive woman, dives into what troubles the pair’s conjugal life and, based on her findings, she recommends that the woman try having sex with other men.
As the therapist is a figure of authority, the girlfriend or wife considers the recommendation seriously. The man feels himself unable to protest and he simply looks on as things take on a momentum of their own. In such fantasies, the man can also be mentally manipulated into accepting the therapist’s recommendation, through hypnosis for example.
Self-reference
When the woman informs the man of her intention to seek other sexual partners or of her past infidelities, or even in fantasies where such a cuckolding arrangement is suggested by a third party, the man in the fantasy almost always accepts the infidelity as part of the new reality.
In some fantasies, the man is inadvertently aroused when he is informed of his female partner’s infidelity or the future plans of it. The woman notices the man’s arousal through the visible erection in his pants and she points it out. The man is therefore not only humiliated from the woman’s infidelity, but he is further humiliated by the exposure of his secret kink: that the idea of the infidelity turns him on.
With the cat out of the bag, the woman gains more power over the man in dictating the future of their conjugal relations. She realizes that no matter how he feels about her infidelity, she has the upper hand because the cuckold cannot control his arousal at the thought of her infidelity. He can therefore be controlled through his embarrassing kink.
Many male submissive kinks can give rise to such fantasies that have a self-referential element. In these meta fantasies, as they might be called, the man is not only humiliated for the original stimulus (in this case, the female infidelity), but he is also humiliated for his arousal at his initial humiliation, hence the self-referential nature of these fantasies.
Rationales for infidelity
In cuckolding fantasies, there is typically a reason that drives the woman to have sex with other men, cuckolding her boyfriend or husband in the process. She uses this rationale to justify her actions to herself and to her partner. This reason is almost always her sexual dissatisfaction in the relationship or marriage.
This dissatisfaction can be due to a myriad of reasons. The woman can desire a larger penis than her male partner’s, in which case the cuckolding kink intertwines with small penis humiliation. Since the cuckold cannot grow his penis, the woman is “forced” to seek sexual gratification elsewhere, with other men who have bigger penises.
The woman can also be sexually frustrated because of a long-distance relationship that prevents her from having sex with her boyfriend or husband as often as she wants. In this case, the woman takes on other lovers that are physically available to her when her male partner is not.
The woman can also desire to have sex with men who are more attractive to her than her boyfriend or husband. In this case, the cuckold can be considered a “beta male” who does not sexually arouse the woman as much as “alpha men” do. Here, cuckolding fantasies incorporate the alpha-beta duality from fantasies of denial of access to the woman’s sexuality.
In dealing with the rationales for infidelity in cuckolding fantasies, some men derive great pleasure from accepting the premises and convincing themselves of the righteousness of the infidelity. The cuckold can think to himself that his wife deserves better, that he should not stop her from seeking her satisfaction with another man.
In that twisted train of thought, the cuckold truly loves his partner and wants what is best for her, and if she can only find that in another man then she is justified in her infidelity. He has no right to protest because he cannot give her what she wants.
The cuckold can also be inculcated with these premises through the woman’s manipulation of him. In such a case, she uses his love against him, telling him that if he truly loves her, he will understand her reasons and let her sleep with other men. These fantasies can also incorporate other aspects of manipulation such as hypnosis or affirmations.
There are sexual fantasies in which the rationale for the woman’s infidelity is not mainly her sexual dissatisfaction with her partner. One class of these fantasies involves aspects of politics and mental manipulation.
For example, the woman, who previously conducted herself in a traditional way in the relationship or marriage, cultivates a new circle of friends who, little by little, influence her with unorthodox ideas. One of these ideas, for instance, is the advocacy for open relationships and open marriages and the subversion of the traditional aspect of commitment in romantic relationships.
In such a fantasy, the cuckold slowly notices his female partner’s transformation of ideas under the nefarious influence of her new friends who mentally manipulate her. One day, the woman informs the boyfriend or husband of her belief that she should have sex with other men. The stark contrast between the woman’s ideas from before and her newly-found opinions almost amounts to a brainwashing from the point of view of the man. These subtle elements can cause great arousal.
In yet other fantasies, the couple consensually decide to open up their relationship or marriage. The man, however, fails to find new sexual partners, in contrast to the woman who easily finds suitors and racks up her number of new conquests. In effect, what was initially conceived as an equal endeavor in extramarital sex is ultimately turned into a cuckolding scenario.
Relationship dynamic
Romantic dynamic
In some cuckolding fantasies, the woman who cuckolds her boyfriend or husband can decide to end her involvement with him, resulting in a breakup or divorce, something the cuckold takes as a major humiliation. For example, if the rationale for the infidelity is the cuckold’s penis size, the woman can simply decide that she has had enough pretending. She leaves the cuckold in pursuit of a more adequate romantic partner.
In other cuckolding fantasies, the woman decides to stay with the cuckold despite her desire for other sexual partners. Most often, the woman decides to stay with her boyfriend or husband because she still sees value in maintaining the relationship or marriage. Some men specifically fantasize about such an ongoing cuckolding dynamic.
In this new dynamic, the relationship or marriage becomes open on the woman’s side. The man is of course not allowed to seek other partners and this is almost always implied without being explicitly discussed. In some scenarios, the man is assumed to be unable to seek other sexual partners or he is assumed to be so in love with the woman that he would never think of entertaining another. In other scenarios, the woman explicitly prohibits the man from seeking other partners and makes it clear to him that if he does, she will leave him.
In this context, some fantasies revolve around the power dynamic that such an arrangement implicitly carries. Such a relationship can be referred to as a “female-led relationship” in which the woman makes all the decisions and the man duly obeys. The woman knows best and the man learns to accept her sexual infidelity to him.
Some fantasies are particularly colored by a romantic element whereby the cuckold derives great satisfaction from being reassured of his wife’s romantic fidelity. She tells him that she only gives herself to others sexually but that her heart is forever his. Her genitalia might not belong to him anymore, but she would never love anyone else for he is the love of her life. That is how the train of thought goes in these fantasies.
Sexual dynamic
The sex life of the couple in the new cuckolding dynamic can take on different forms. In some fantasies, it remains conventional. Apart from the occasional sex that the woman has with her new lovers, the relationship or marriage is otherwise perfectly normal.
In such a case, the woman can come home from a tryst with a lover and recount her sexual exploit to her boyfriend or husband who listens intently. He derives sexual pleasure from all the details he is told, imagining his partner with the other man. The woman can engage in sexual activity with the cuckold as she tells him about her encounter.
In other fantasies, the woman denies the cuckold sexual access to her. This denial of sex can be complete, reserving access exclusively for the woman’s lovers, or conditional, only allowed in certain circumstances or in specific ways.
An example of such a condition is that the cuckold only be allowed to have sex with the woman after she sleeps with another man. In this case, the cuckold is effectively getting “sloppy seconds”. This is particularly humiliating if the woman lets her lover ejaculate inside her and she still has the semen in her vagina when she has sex with the cuckold. Anther scenario that serves the same purpose is for the woman to have her lover’s ejaculate on her face and lips when she kisses the cuckold.
Another example of conditional access to the woman’s sexuality is to deny the cuckold intercourse and only allow him cunnilingus. This, again, is especially humiliating if the cuckold performs cunnilingus when the woman has her lover’s semen in her. In some scenarios, the cuckold is oblivious to the fact that the woman has another man’s semen in her and the woman conceals the truth. In other scenarios, the cuckold is fully aware that he is performing what is called a “cum cleanup” and he is expected to provide this humiliating service with his tongue.
In these cases where the cuckold comes into contact with the bull’s ejaculate, the cuckolding kink intertwines with aspects of encouraged acts of homosexuality or bisexuality. These fantasies can be very creative, such as the ones where the woman brings back a condom full of her bull’s semen to the cuckold and proceeds to feed him its contents. The cuckold swallows the treat as a humiliating display of his obedience to the woman.
In the new dynamic of the relationship, the woman can also directly seek to control the cuckold’s sexual pleasure by deciding to lock his penis in a chastity cage. In such a situation, the woman deprives the cuckold of his sexual autonomy and of any pleasure save for when she decides to release him. Such fantasies incorporate the chastity kink.
These fantasies can further involve elements of feminization if the woman wishes to degrade the cuckold from the position of boyfriend or husband to that of girlfriend or sissy. Such aspects of the woman’s having a masterplan to transform the life of the cuckold, by degrading his masculinity or corrupting his sexual orientation, can be powerful elements in the erotic imagination of the men who have these fantasies.
Facilitation
Some men fantasize about facilitating the woman’s infidelity in one way or another. In this case, the cuckold performs acts that often incorporate aspects of servility, serving the woman in some way either before, during, or after her sexual encounter with the bull.
For example, the cuckold can prepare the woman for a date by worshiping her feet or taking her shopping for an outfit that he pays for or driving her to her date and picking her up afterward or helping her dress up by giving his opinion on her outfit choices. The cuckold can even pick up the bill for the lovers’ date at a restaurant or bear the expenses of a vacation trip they take together while the cuckold stays at home.
When the cuckold is made to fund certain expenses of his female partner’s infidelity, the fantasies intertwine with the financial domination kink. In such fantasies, the cuckold not only pays for the woman, but he also pays for the bull who sleeps with her. The cuckold thereby suffers a double humiliation.
The cuckold can also be made to perform domestic service, doing chores around the house while the woman is out on her date with the bull. In this case, the cuckold can even be dressed in a maid’s outfit, further involving aspects of feminization and reversing traditional gender roles.
Participation
In some scenarios, the cuckold witnesses the sexual infidelity without being physically present with the lovers. For example, the woman can videotape the sexual encounter to show to the cuckold later. She can also call the cuckold on the phone during sex with the bull. Alternatively, the cuckold can watch the encounter happen through a webcam, either purposely or on accident if the camera is unintentionally left open.
In other scenarios, the cuckold witnesses the encounter of infidelity as it happens but without directly participating in the sexual acts. For example, the cuckold can peep on the lovers from a hidden position while they have sex. He can also simply be present in the room and watch the encounter without interacting with the lovers. In the latter case, he can be made to videotape the sexual activities.
Some men’s fantasies go further as they imagine themselves actively participating in the sexual encounter of the woman with the bull. Depending on the scenario, this participation can take many forms and entail different acts. The participation can be voluntary, out of the cuckold’s own desire to take part in the action, or reluctantly extracted under threats, or even completely forced.
For example, the cuckold can be made to masturbate in the corner while the woman verbally humiliates him while she has sex with her lover. The verbal humiliation typically revolves around the disparity in the woman’s sexual satisfaction from the bull in comparison with the cuckold. The verbal humiliation can include affectionately degrading names such as “cucky”.
The cuckold can perform cunnilingus on the woman to get her aroused and ready for intercourse with the bull. During the sexual encounter, the cuckold can be made to worship the woman. This can notably entail worshiping her feet while she engages in intercourse with her lover.
Some fantasies of participation in the sexual activities involve elements of encouraged or forced homosexuality. For example, the cuckold can perform oral sex on the bull to prepare his penis for intercourse with the woman. More generally, the cuckold can act as a sort of “fluffer”, the term used in pornography for the employee whose job is to keep the male performer’s penis erect.
The cuckold can also lie down beneath the lovers while they are having sex in the doggy style position or while the woman is performing oral sex on the bull. In such a case, the cuckold acts as a receptacle for any body fluids that drip onto his mouth, notably the woman’s saliva or vaginal secretions, as well as the bull’s pre-ejaculate or semen. As such, aspects of soiling come into play.
If the woman is performing oral sex on the bull, she can spit in the cuckold’s mouth. The cuckold is expected to duly swallow the fluids he receives, which can contain the bull’s semen if he ejaculates in the woman’s mouth beforehand. This particular activity is called “snowballing”.
The cuckold can also be anally penetrated by the bull for the latter’s sexual gratification. In such a case, the cuckold usually accedes to this humiliating activity to please the woman who, in turn, wishes to please the bull by offering her male partner up for penetration.
Feminization fantasies can also be involved in the cuckold’s participation in the sex acts between the lovers if he is made to dress up like a woman while he performs such homosexual acts.
Servility and violence
Some cuckolding fantasies involve a strong aspect of servility where the cuckold is made to perform the duties of a domestic servant in the presence of the lovers. In these fantasies, the cuckold not only serves the woman but he serves the bull as well. For example, the cuckold can serve food and drinks and stand at attention to be called whenever he is needed. The cuckold is to look down as a sign of respect and in every way behave like an obedient footman.
To serve his female partner is humiliating enough for the cuckold, but to serve her bull, the rival who poaches the cuckold’s mate, multiplies the humiliation severalfold. And if that were not enough, the cuckold serves the bull in front of the woman, thus further intensifying the humiliation.
The cuckold can also be humiliated by literally suffering at the hands of the bull, that is to say if the bull inflicts some sort of corporal punishment on the cuckold. This, of course, can be administered by the woman instead of the bull but it is more humiliating when the rival is the perpetrator.
Some fantasies of this flavor revolve around the cuckold’s bullying by the bull. A particular example in this case is the beatdown fantasy, where the cuckold is physically assaulted by his partner’s lover. In some scenarios, it is a group of men who conspire to assault the cuckold rather than a single lover. After the cuckold is thoroughly beaten and reduced to a helpless state that can be imagined to be so extreme as to require hospitalization, the assailant or assailants have sex with the cuckold’s partner.
In some fantasies, that sex is coerced and the humiliation lies in the cuckold’s inability to defend his female partner. In other fantasies, the sexual encounter is consensual and the woman enjoys it. In some scenarios of this latter case, it is she who plots the physical assault on the cuckold in the first place. In other scenarios, where the woman is not involved in planning the assault, she discovers that she is aroused at seeing her male partner’s beating and feels the irresistible urge to copulate with the assailant or group of assailants. This makes the ordeal all the more humiliating for the cuckold.
In this last case, the woman’s posterior justification of her actions can be particularly arousing for the cuckold. In such a justification, she can advance arguments that invoke her inability to stop herself from mating with the cuckold’s assailant, speculating on some ancient evolutionary reason why she felt so aroused by the victor in the fight. This is again an element of force majeure.
Raceplay
Elements of race can come into play in the cuckolding kink, revolving around the popular stereotypes of different ethnicities. A common raceplay scenario is for a white man’s girlfriend or wife to cuckold him with a black man under the assumption that black men are sexually superior.
The white-black raceplay scenario often incorporates the stereotype that black men have significantly larger penises than white men, hence the so-called “big black cock” (BBC) phenomenon. A woman who has a sexual preference for black men is sometimes identified with the symbol of the queen of spades, which she can tattoo on her body as a permanent mark of her preference and as a signal of it to black men.
Some men fantasize about the so-called “Black New World Order”, often abbreviated as BNWO, an imagined future world where blacks rein supreme over whites. In this dystopian future, white women readily give themselves up to black men as they are the sexually superior race. Aspects of servitude are often present in these fantasies as the cuckolded white men are forced to serve the black men who become their masters.
Another prominent raceplay scenario involves a similar dynamic between white and Asian men. The Asian man’s girlfriend or wife—who is oftentimes also Asian—cuckolds him with a white man. The assumption underlying these fantasies is that the white man is sexually superior. This often plays on the popular stereotype that Asian men have significantly smaller penises than white men. In this context, some people use the lesser-known expression “big white cock” (BWC).
These raceplay scenarios aim to degrade the cuckold into an even more submissive position where he is made to suffer the humiliating fate of being racially inferior to the bull. The cuckold can also be made to serve the bull if those aspects are involved in the fantasy.
Retrospective cuckolding
Some men fantasize not about their female partner’s current or future infidelity, but by a sort of cuckolding in retrospect. In these fantasies, the man discovers that the woman’s past sexual partners were superior to him in one way or another and that they satisfied her more than he ever did.
Most notably, this can involve the size of the penis, where the past lovers are discovered to have had larger penises than the pseudo-cuckold. Similarly, it can involve sexual positions or acts that the woman never agreed to do with the pseudo-cuckold but she had no qualms doing them with past lovers of hers. Elements of raceplay can also be involved if the woman is discovered to have had an affinity for sexual partners of a certain race, assumed to be superior to her current partner’s.
This subtle aspect of retrospective cuckolding in these fantasies can also involve discovering the general past promiscuity of the woman. The pseudo-cuckold imagines the numerous sexual partners that his girlfriend or wife had and how easily she gave herself up to them. He imagines all the scenarios and situations that she put herself in in pursuit of her sexual gratification.
In this, the boyfriend or husband feels humiliated at the prospect of having entered into a committed relationship with a promiscuous woman. These discoveries can trigger the same feelings of jealousy in a man as an actual infidelity. Thus, these fantasies of retrospective cuckolding and those of actual cuckolding share the same motivation.
Special occasions
Some cuckolding fantasies specifically revolve around special occasions. The most important of these is the wedding night, a night of special significance as it is when lovers are traditionally expected to consummate their marriage after celibacy in the courtship period. In these fantasies, the bridegroom anticipates having sex with his new wife, and this anticipation is especially important if the two have in fact been celibate, saving sex for the special night. To the husband’s horror, he discovers that his wife had sex with another man.
In some scenarios, where the man expects the woman to be a virgin, he simply discovers that she is not, that she was already deflowered by another man in the past. The conflation of the woman’s deception, the man’s disappointment, and the consequent humiliation feeds into the cuckolding kink in this type of fantasy.
In other scenarios, the wife has sex with another man on the very day of the wedding, before the consummation of the marriage. The husband suffers an intense humiliation at the discovery of his beloved wife’s soiling. In some fantasies, she is caught in the act. In others, it is precisely at the moment when the husband expects to consummate the marriage that his wife confesses to him her infidelity.
The situation is even more humiliating if the wife’s lover ejaculates inside her and she still has his semen in her when the husband expects to consummate the marriage. The humiliation in wedding night cuckolding fantasies is multiplied if the paramour is imagined to be somebody close to the husband, like the best man at the wedding, or a rival, like the woman’s ex-boyfriend.
Other special occasions that can be settings for cuckolding fantasies include the honeymoon, Valentine’s Day, and marriage anniversaries.
Compounded betrayal
Cuckolding fantasies can have an element of compounded betrayal, where the woman violates the rules that were initially negotiated with the cuckold for her sexual encounters with other men. In these negotiated agreements, as the cuckold gives up the exclusive access to the woman’s sexuality, he tries to reserve some part of it for himself.
For example, as part of the negotiated arrangement, the woman can agree to always wear a condom when having sex with other men, reserving unprotected sex exclusively for the cuckold. Kissing can likewise be reserved for the cuckold as a demonstration of affection that the woman only has for him. Other rules can likewise be laid down for the infidelity.
Some cuckolding fantasies play on the violation of these negotiated rules. These violations compound the woman’s betrayal, where she not only is unfaithful to her boyfriend or husband, but she goes further in breaching the negotiated agreement of her infidelity. The cuckold’s humiliation is thereby multiplied.
Pregnancy
Some men fantasize about their female partner’s pregnancy from her bull. In this class of fantasies, the cuckold is not only humiliated from his partner’s pregnancy with a baby that is not his, but he is also humiliated from the prospect of having to raise the child and invest resources in it even though it is not his biological offspring.
Such fantasies happen, for example, when the woman decides to forgo the use of condoms in her sexual encounters with the bull. This is all the more humiliating if she imposes such protection in her sex life with the cuckold, leading to the imposition of a de facto double standard.
In some scenarios, the woman has sex with the bull and is aroused to such an extent that she removes the condom without giving it a second thought, wishing to place no limit on her pleasure. In other scenarios, it is the bull who removes the condom and the woman does not protest as she takes a submissive position toward him, doing whatever he pleases.
In these fantasies, there can be a subtle element of humiliation involved in the woman’s rationalization of her pregnancy from the bull. The woman can inform the cuckold that she felt an irresistible urge within her to let the bull inseminate her, that she felt it was the right thing to do, the natural course of things for her to carry the baby of the superior bull and to raise it together with the cuckold. Here, the leitmotiv of force majeure appears again.
Adjacent fantasies
Some cuckolding fantasies do not revolve around the act of sexual infidelity itself but rather about situations adjacent to it. Some men, for example, fantasize about the general idea of their partner’s desirability or perceived promiscuity. For instance, a man can be aroused by the idea of other men looking at photographs of his girlfriend or wife. He imagines that she arouses these other men and that they masturbate to her.
A man can be aroused by the idea of going out with his girlfriend or wife while she is dressed in skimpy outfits, revealing more skin to onlooking men than modesty dictates. The idea of going out with the woman while she is wearing a skirt without underwear or a top without a bra can be arousing for the same reason.
A man can fantasize about situations where his girlfriend or wife is approached by other men in public while he looks on and does not interfere. This can happen in bars or in dance clubs. The other men can flirt with the woman, ask to take her out on dates, get touchy with her, dance with her—all acts that arouse the onlooking would-be cuckold.
Some other adjacent fantasies play on the suspicion of the woman’s infidelity without proof of it. Some men, for example, fantasize about scenarios where the female partner entertains a close and suspicious friendship with another man but always denies any infidelity on her part. The woman assures her boyfriend or husband that the other man is just a friend and that there is nothing to worry about.
In these fantasies, the acts leading to the cuckold’s suspicion of infidelity can become flagrant, such as when the other man touches the woman inappropriately in front of the cuckold, perhaps putting his hand on her buttocks.
Another example is when the woman goes out to party and her male partner stays home. The woman stops answering texts and calls at some point during the night and does not come back home. She only gets back to the man in the morning, assuring him, for example, that she spent the night at a female friend’s place. The woman can look disheveled, suggesting she had sex that night and raising the man’s suspicion of her infidelity.
An important element in these scenarios is for the woman to adamantly deny any sexual involvement with the other man even in the face of flagrant evidence to the contrary. The woman effectively gaslights the man, which incorporates manipulation kinks in the fantasy.
Friendzone
The cuckolding fantasy, although usually framed in the context of a relationship or marriage, can also manifest in situations where the woman is not romantically or sexually involved with the cuckold but is simply a friend. In this case, cuckolding fantasies intertwine with the friendzone kink.
In these scenarios, the man entertains a platonic friendship with the woman he desires. She, however, only sees him as a friend and not a sexual prospect, hence the friendzone. The friendship progresses to such an extent that the woman becomes comfortable enough with the man to gossip about the salacious details of her sex life. This happens, for example, when the man and the woman become best friends.
The man in this case derives sexual pleasure from knowing the woman he desires is giving herself sexually to other men but not to him. He feels unworthy of sexual access to her and satisfies himself with the next best thing: to hear about the sex she has with others. The man is effectively cuckolded, even though he was never involved with the woman to begin with. This kind of situation is sometimes referred to as “friendzone cuckolding”.
The friendzoned man can go out with the woman and suffer seeing her be approached by other guys with whom she readily flirts. The other men do not see the male friend as the woman’s possible romantic partner, so they ignore him in the pursuit of their next sexual conquest.
When the woman introduces the friendzoned man to her acquaintances, she can stress the platonic nature of their friendship, something he experiences as a subtle humiliation. When the woman is out and about with him, she can even put him in situations where he is made to aid and abet her in her sexual conquests. For example, if the two are at a bar, she can ask him to get an attractive man’s number for her or to take a bathroom leave so that the other man is encouraged to approach her when she is alone.
These fantasies can further involve the corruption of the friendzoned man’s sexual orientation, in which the woman is under the impression that he is gay. She can therefore introduce him to others as her gay friend, even her gay “bestie”. This is particularly humiliating when the man is introduced in this fashion to other men in whom the woman is interested.
In other fantasies, the woman knows that her friend is heterosexual but she can put him in situations where he is encouraged to pretend to be her gay friend so that other men do not perceive him as her potential romantic or sexual partner. When these men perceive the friendzoned cuckold as a gay male friend, they do not see him as a threat or a rival and they are thus encouraged to pursue the woman.
This concludes a survey of the kinks of female sexual infidelity. If you think something is missing from this overview, leave a comment and share your thoughts. You can also message me on Substack or on Reddit if you wish to remain anonymous and discuss privately.
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The line art in this essay’s card is by Georgian artist Dorian Chelios.
For more on brood parasitism, see Payne, Robert B. (1977). The Ecology of Brood Parasitism in Birds. Annual Review of Ecology and Systematics, 8, 1–28.