The structure of male submissive sexual fantasies: Female manipulation
The category that deals with sexual fantasies of blackmail, exposure, tech domination, homewrecking, intoxication, addiction, brainwashing, conversion, etc., and how they intertwine with other kinks.
This is part of a series of essays that collectively survey male submissive kinks. Find the Table of contents here.
Some men are sexually aroused by fantasies of situations where they are manipulated by an attractive and desirable woman. This manipulation can happen in many different ways and involve exploitation, entrapment, deception, persuasion, and exertion of influence, making this category of sexual fantasies the most heterogeneous. The argument for grouping them in a single category is that the theme of female manipulation runs through all of them. The woman in all of these fantasies seeks, with malicious aims, to manipulate the man in one way or another. These fantasies include being blackmailed, having secrets exposed, being hacked or dominated through technology, being seduced by a homewrecker, being lovesick with a woman or addicted to her, being trapped into commitment through pregnancy, being drugged or intoxicated, being brainwashed or hypnotized, being gaslit, and being persuaded or converted in opinion or dogma.
Blackmailed
Some men fantasize about being blackmailed by an attractive woman who uses her sex appeal to lure the man into a compromising position from which she can gain the upper hand and coerce him into doing her favors under the threat of blackmail.
The blackmail material that the woman possesses in these fantasies and the favors that she seeks to gain from the man by using this material depend on the role she plays in the fantasy. The blackmail kink often incorporates aspects of financial domination because the woman often seeks financial gain from the blackmail situation. A few examples will serve to illustrate.
One fantasy involves a babysitter who lures the husband into the appearance of an affair with her. She secretly films him in situations where he appears to be adulterous or she secretly records a conversation with him that veers into intimacy. Once this blackmail material is secured, the woman puts an end to the sham of her sexual advances toward the man and reveals to him her true intentions. This moment of revelation is particularly potent in blackmail fantasies.
With the blackmail material in hand, the woman demands that the husband pay her in exchange for her silence. The risk to the man in this scenario is the destruction of the marriage, and so the blackmail kink intertwines with the homewrecking kink, presented further ahead in the text.
Another fantasy involves the new female employee who quickly finds her way around seducing her manager or the boss of the company she joins. Blackmail material in this case can be the semblance of an inappropriate sexual relationship between the female employee and her male superior, or sensitive material that she accidentally finds on the man’s work computer, perhaps embarrassing pornography that he watches or some other socially unacceptable behavior she discovers from his computer files.
The favors that the female employee hopes to secure in this case can be to make her way up the company ladder by securing quick gratuitous promotions, dispensation from work duties without consequences on her professional position, and generous salary raises. The risk to the man in this situation, if the woman exposes him, is the loss of his job and his position in the company as well as damage to his reputation.
A third role for the woman in blackmail fantasies is the girlfriend of an acquaintance to the man, such as a best friend or a roommate. In these fantasies, the woman typically catches the man in an inappropriate act regarding her, such as looking at her improperly or stealing her clothes.
In exchange for keeping the inappropriate behavior a secret from the woman’s boyfriend, she can demand favors from the blackmailed man. These favors typically include acts of service to her or financial compensation. These fantasies can also incorporate aspects of cuckolding involving the woman and her boyfriend if she decides to tease the blackmailed man in this fashion. The blackmailed man is, of course, attracted to the woman and desires her for himself but has to suffer the humiliation of knowing she is with the other man.
Other blackmail fantasies intertwine with aspects of the man’s sexual inadequacy in penis size. Blackmail material in these cases can be pictures or videos of the man’s small penis taken without his knowledge or consent. This can happen, for example, with a woman the man is hoping to have sex with, only to be denied for his small penis. With the photographs in the woman’s possession, she can extract benefits from the man under the threat of exposing his small penis on the internet or to the man’s friends or family.
In seeking to satisfy their blackmail kink, some men send sensitive information and compromising material on themselves to dominatrices online. The sensitive information can include personal details such as the man’s name, address, and workplace, as well as the contact information of the man’s acquaintances. Compromising material can include photos or videos the man takes of himself performing embarrassing or degrading acts such as masturbating or cross-dressing.
Exposed
The risk in blackmail fantasies is for the woman to expose the man using whatever blackmail material she has. Some men, however, fantasize about this act of exposure without any element of blackmail.
For example, a man with the small penis humiliation kink can fantasize about having pictures of his penis exposed to others. A man with the feminization kink can fantasize about being exposed to others as a sissy who secretly likes to cross-dress. A man with a kink for encouraged homosexuality can fantasize about being exposed to others as gay.
The act of exposure in these fantasies is typically imagined to be inflicted by the man on himself with the encouragement of the attractive woman who seeks nothing to gain in the act except his humiliation. As such, this kink is different from the blackmail kink but they can overlap.
Some pornography made to cater to the exposure kink instructs the man to play a pornographic video on speakers at a high volume with the risk of neighbors or people in other rooms hearing the sound. In videos made this way, the female performer typically says embarrassing things about the man who runs the risk of being exposed to others and ridiculed for watching such taboo pornography.
What is particularly thrilling about the aforementioned exposure pornography is that the man does not know what the female performer will say. She might even shout on purpose to increase the risk of being heard by others. The viewer is instructed not to lower the volume for the whole duration of the video. If he fails to follow these instructions, a punishment is typically reserved.
Hacked
Some fantasies of manipulation have incorporated the new avenues of domination opened up by technological advances. These fantasies are collectively referred to as “tech domination” (or “techdom” for short) and they revolve around giving the woman access to the man’s electronic devices and online accounts and letting her do with them as she wishes.
The man can give access to his laptop or phone to the woman who can then browse and snoop around his data and perform any action she likes on those devices. He can also give her access to his accounts on social media networks and other websites by sharing his login information and passwords.
With this kind of access, the woman can read the man’s messages and retrieve information on his contacts. She can send any messages she wishes from his accounts to anyone and she can also publish anything she likes on the man’s social media pages.
Another element of these fantasies is the possibility for the woman to monitor the man’s online presence at all times. Perpetual access can be granted for this purpose to webcams, emails, browsing history, and online private chats and messages.
In these fantasies, the man who hands this power over to the woman finds it thrilling to obey her orders under the fear that she might ruin his life with a few clicks.
Homewrecked
Some men in relationships or marriages have the peculiar sexual fantasy of ruining their union. Such an act is called homewrecking. For example, a man can fantasize about being seduced by an attractive woman who enters his life and becomes the object of his infatuation. Under the seductress’s influence, he can be driven to risky actions that can wreck his relationship or marriage if they are discovered by his female partner.
On the surface, one might have the false impression that this fantasy is humiliating to the female partner as she is the one being betrayed. This, however, is not the case. The homewrecking, in the erotic imagination of the man who has this kink, is imagined to be his humiliation in the risk of losing his partner. She is the one who has the power to end their relationship or marriage if she discovers the man’s inappropriate behavior.
The homewrecking kink can incorporate blackmail if the intention of the homewrecker is to extract benefits from the man, but this need not be the case. The seductress can instead seek to poach him from his female partner and secure him as her mate, or she can simply be there to achieve the end goal of separating the man from his girlfriend or wife.
Financial domination can also be present in homewrecking fantasies if the man is encouraged to channel his resources to the seductress by spending money on her and not on his female partner. The aspect of prioritizing the homewrecker is especially important in celebrations such as Valentine’s Day.
Some men fantasize about being seduced by a woman out of their league, a woman they know they have no chance of ever being with. In these fantasies, the man becomes so infatuated with the woman that he comes to worship her. Under her charm and spell, he becomes more sexually aroused by her than by his female partner. These fantasies incorporate the kinks of worship.
This is particularly humiliating if, for example, the man fantasizes about being more interested in the homewrecker’s feet than in intercourse with his girlfriend or wife. The man can imagine himself going as far as becoming impotent in actual sex with his female partner, only able to achieve an erection by fantasizing about the homewrecker or her feet.
Homewrecking fantasies can incorporate the rejection kink if the homewrecker tells the man that he does not deserve his female partner and that he should break up with her because she deserves a better man. Aspects of sexual inadequacy can also be present if the man is believed to be unable to sexually satisfy his girlfriend or wife. These fantasies can include cuckolding if, for example, the homewrecker encourages the man to think about the greater sexual satisfaction his female partner would have from having sex with other men with bigger penises.
In some fantasies, the homewrecking is effected directly by the seductress if she enters into contact with the man’s girlfriend or wife and exposes his “true nature” to her, whatever that true nature is imagined to be. Upon learning the man’s secrets, the female partner is imagined to lose interest in him. She comes to despise him, to look down on him, and to laugh at him. She sees him in a new light and she no longer thinks he is worthy of her. This ultimately leads to the break up. In this case, the humiliation is dished out in double as the homewrecker teams up with the female partner.
Control of the man’s sexual pleasure can be part of homewrecking fantasies if the seductress instructs the man to masturbate in risky ways. A common fantasy in this case is instructing him to masturbate next to his girlfriend or wife who is sleeping in the same bed. The man is encouraged to fantasize about the homewrecker and to pleasure himself with the very real risk of waking up his female partner to a very embarrassing situation that can lead to the dissolution of the couple’s union. The homewrecker can impose further humiliating acts during the masturbation session to make the experience more thrilling by making it even riskier for the man.
Lovesick
Some men fantasize about intensely desiring a woman to the point of falling in love with her, knowing full well that she will never reciprocate those feelings. In such a lovesick state, the man fantasizes about being taken advantage of by the woman who seizes the opportunity to extract benefits to herself from the situation. The woman keeps the man on a virtual leash with the right balance of seduction and denial, and secures his attention and services in exchange.
Addicted
Some men fantasize about being addicted to an attractive woman just as they would be addicted to a drug. The feelings of weakness toward the woman and the inability to fight the impulse to do what she says characterize the addiction kink. The addiction can be focused on a certain part of the woman’s body, like her buttocks or her breasts or her feet. The beauty of the part that the man is addicted to is accentuated to the point that it becomes perfect in his imagination, thus incorporating the kinks of worship.
Addiction fantasies do not stop there. Even the process of attempting to quit the addiction and relapsing back into it can be the object of sexual fantasies of this kind. The man can derive sexual pleasure from imagining his vain struggle to rid himself of the woman’s influence. He can also be aroused at imagining his inevitable relapse into his addiction for her after an initially successful attempt at quitting it. The woman can mock the man for being so mentally weak and completely under her spell.
One type of addiction fantasy is the so-called “hate jerk” where the man loathes his attraction to the woman but is unable to stop himself from masturbating to her. He is overpowered by his strong sexual fantasies and the yearning for the powerful woman who is the object of his addiction.
Trapped
Some fantasies are about a man’s coercion into commitment to a woman through her pregnancy from him without his knowledge or against his will. Once the woman is impregnated, the man has no way of escaping his duties of parental support as the father of the future baby, by way of which his resources become committed to the woman.
For example, a man can fantasize about wishing to leave a relationship with a woman he no longer wants to be associated with, only for her to trick him in some way into impregnating her. This can intertwine with the intoxication kink if the end goal of the woman is achieved through the man’s drugging.
A man can also fantasize about being trapped into having a baby with a woman he is having an affair with, in which case this incorporates the homewrecking kink. Perhaps the man no longer wishes to pursue the affair. Perhaps the adulteress wants the man to leave his partner and to commit to her instead but he refuses. In any case, impregnation traps the man into commitment to the woman.
Intoxicated
Some fantasies are about the man’s intoxication by an attractive woman who seeks to manipulate him under the influence of drugs. The woman can surreptitiously drug the man by slipping something in his drink, for example. She can also encourage him to submit willingly to the act of drugging by inhaling certain substances.
In the intoxicated state, the man becomes much more malleable to the suggestions of the woman who can get him to accede to doing things that would be out of the question in sobriety. The benefits she seeks to extract from him depend on the fantasy.
Fantasies of intoxication can include physical restraint. For example, the man can fantasize about being intoxicated by the woman to the point of losing his consciousness. When he comes back to, he discovers that he was physically restrained by the woman in his sleep. She then proceeds to work toward her malicious goals while he is bound and unable to stop her.
The duplicity of the woman plays an important role in these fantasies. The moment she reveals her true intentions to the man, once he is under the effects of the drugs, can be particularly arousing. This was already discussed for the kink of blackmail and it is a common theme in fantasies of manipulation in general.
In some fantasies, the man is administered a drug that acts like a truth serum. Under the imagined effects of this drug, the man fantasizes about surrendering to the woman and being unable to lie to her, compelled instead to tell her the truth about anything she asks.
A popular drug in these fantasies is “poppers”, the class of recreational drugs belonging to the alkyl nitrite family that were popular in the club scene of the late 20th century. These short-acting drugs have a rapid onset when inhaled. They act as muscle relaxants and produce a sensation of mild euphoria with warmth and dizziness. Some men specifically fantasize about being intoxicated with these drugs.
Brainwashed
Some fantasies are about an attractive woman’s exertion of influence on the man by the use of mind control techniques such as brainwashing and hypnosis.1
The man’s mind can be controlled in a variety of ways. In some fantasies, the woman dangles a pocket watch in front of him in the stereotypical hypnosis scenario. In other fantasies, the woman uses her voice and employs gestures like finger snaps to induce the man into a state of trance. The woman who exercises the mind control is sometimes cast in the occupational role of a figure of authority, such as a therapist or a psychologist.
In the course of the brainwashing or hypnosis session, the man can be made to repeat mantras and affirmations that deepen his state of suggestibility. Some pornography that caters to the brainwashing kink features special effects that the man imagines have the power of influencing him and reprogramming his brain.
Fantasies of brainwashing can incorporate other kinks where mind control techniques serve as useful devices to further some ends. For example, in fantasies of feminization, the man’s brain can be reprogrammed to be more feminine. In fantasies of encouraged homosexuality, the man’s sexual orientation can be rewired to be gay. Likewise, fantasies of chastity can include devices of mind control to induce the man into accepting to have his penis locked in a cage.
In rejection fantasies, the desired effect can be to make the man accept his fate as a loser who does not deserve women and who should only seek to make their lives better in a platonic way, not pursue them romantically or sexually. Mind control can serve in this case to reinforce the man’s view of himself in this light.
In fantasies of worship, mind control can be incorporated with the desired effect of conditioning the man into sexually responding to certain parts of the woman’s body, like her feet for example, while simultaneously deconditioning him from responding to conventional sexual stimuli like her breasts and her vagina.
In fantasies of servitude to the woman, mind control can serve to plant so-called triggers in the man’s brain. These triggers are specific words or gestures that, when uttered or performed by the woman, are imagined to induce an involuntary and unconscious response in the man such as making him submit to her or serve her in a variety of ways.
Aside from overt mind control techniques, a similar brainwashing effect is imagined to be achieved by the so-called practice of “gooning”, in which the man spends a considerable amount of time masturbating to pornography and edging himself without release. A man who practices gooning is called a “gooner”, a qualifier that the woman in these fantasies can use for verbal humiliation. She can also refer to the man as a mindless drone, in the sense of blindly following the woman’s instructions.
In gooning fantasies, the man is instructed to stay in an aroused state for an extended period of time without reaching orgasm, often watching the same pornographic video over and over again. He imagines that this behavior will have negative effects on his brain, conditioning him to become more submissive to the woman he desires.
Gooning often intertwine with the rejection kink as the woman humiliates the man for being unable to have her. He is made instead to suffer the fate of gooning to her for hours and hours on end, becoming more infatuated with her in the process and making himself even more pathetic by the same token.
Gaslit
Some men are aroused by fantasies of situations in which they are gaslit. To gaslight a man is to manipulate him into doubting his perception of reality through elaborate deception and dishonesty. The gaslighting element can appear in various fantasies. An example will serve to illustrate.
In some cuckolding fantasies, the man suspects his female partner’s sexual infidelity but he does not have incontrovertible proof of it. Perhaps she spends a lot of time with another man who she claims is only a platonic friend. Perhaps this other man even touches her in ways that strongly suggest intimacy between the two.
In any case, the woman can cast doubt on the man’s suspicion of her infidelity. She can adamantly deny it and assure him of her love and her undying loyalty. Her words can suggest a strong moral integrity. She can come up with endless alternative explanations for what drives the man’s suspicions. In the face of such an elaborate scheme of deception and manipulation, the man comes to doubt his own perception, thinking that he is just being jealous and that his suspicions are baseless and unfair to his female partner. Meanwhile, the infidelity is real and the woman is simply lying to gaslight the man.
Converted
Some manipulation fantasies revolve around the persuasion of the man to change his beliefs and opinions. This can manifest in a wide range of situations, from a simple defeat in an argument to a major switch of allegiance in the domains of politics and religion.
Some men are aroused by the mere idea of losing an argument to a woman or being brought to admit that she is right after an initial dispute of her opinions. The clash in viewpoints can be about the most trivial matters. In these fantasies, the man strongly disagrees with the woman in the argument but she steadfastly holds her ground. Slowly but surely, he feels himself becoming weaker and ultimately forces a false admission of error in judgment, surrendering the argument.
Some fantasies revolve around the man’s humiliation for the political opinions or the religious beliefs he holds. This humiliation can lead to his seduction into switching allegiances. Such a switch can be the subversion of his existing dogma, his conversion to another religion, the realignment of his political views, his indoctrination with propaganda, and so on and so forth.
When it comes to religion, there is a particular class of conversion fantasies where the man is not inducted into an organized religion but is persuaded to worship the woman herself in the image of a deity, thus incorporating the kinks of worship.
In the political culture of the United States, the issues that are most often the object of political humiliation fantasies are the culture wars of the zeitgeist between liberals and conservatives. For instance, a man who thinks abortion or gay marriage is wrong can fantasize about being humiliated for his beliefs by an attractive woman who makes him declare the opposite. A man who supports those causes can likewise fantasize about being humiliated in the exact same way.2
This concludes a survey of the kinks of female manipulation. If you think something is missing from this overview, leave a comment and share your thoughts. You can also message me on Substack or on Reddit if you wish to remain anonymous and discuss privately.
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The line art in this essay’s card is by Georgian artist Dorian Chelios.
Pornography that caters to manipulation kinks often uses euphemisms. For example, “mesmerize” is frequently substituted for the heavier “brainwash” or “hypnotize”. These euphemisms are used to circumvent the rules of the online platforms where this type of pornography is published, as these platforms often ban the use of certain words for legal reasons.
Some online sex workers who cater to the satisfaction of political humiliation fantasies hold the mistaken view that these fantasies only go in one direction: men with conservative beliefs who wish to be humiliated into accepting liberal views. The truth is that the fantasies go both ways. Perhaps the root of this mistaken belief is that online sex workers tend to hold liberal opinions. In consequence, they are only exposed, in requests of political humiliation, to the biased sample of men with conservative views.