A survey of male submissive kinks: #7 Manipulation by the woman
The category that deals with sexual fantasies of blackmail, exposure, tech domination, homewrecking, intoxication, addiction, brainwashing, conversion, etc., and how they intertwine with other kinks.
This is part of a series of essays that collectively survey male submissive kinks. Find the Table of contents here.
Among the many perils that lie in a man’s pursuit of a successful reproductive strategy are deceitful women. To maximize his chances on the dating market, a man has to spend considerable time and expend much energy acquiring resources and earning some social status to attract the interest of women. This is because women have evolved a sexual psychology that selects for men with status and resources, for the obvious reason that these are the men with whom they have the best chances of surviving in a protected environment, reproducing successfully, and securing the investment necessary to raise their offspring.
A man with status and resources, however meager they might be, faces the danger that a woman who expresses interest in him on the surface might in reality be a conniving deceiver who schemes behind his back to rid him of his resources or to otherwise manipulate him into ruin. The more status the man enjoys and the more resources he possesses, the higher the risk of these types of women who are obviously hunting for the biggest prize.
This danger lies in a man’s way not only when he is selecting a mate, but also when he is committed to one. Men evolved a sexual psychology that likes variety in women, but if a man decides to engage in an affair, he runs the risk of throwing himself in the thrall of a cunning seductress who by way of the adultery will hold the power to destroy his committed relationship and to ruin his reputation.
In the ancestral environment, the success of a man’s reproductive strategy heavily depended on his loyalty to his tribe. Before the advent of the modern-day democratic society where the freedom of speech of minority opinions is protected by law, going against the majority in ancestral societies would have left a man in a precarious situation if he lost his tribe’s protection and became a target. Here again lies the danger of a deceitful temptress who persuades a man to switch allegiances and defect to another tribe.
Unfortunately for men, their evolved sexual psychology pays more attention to the physical attractiveness of a woman than to cues that signal her honesty and genuine commitment. And so it is that many men fall prey to treacherous women who betray their loyalty and readily ruin the lives of the men who trust them, swindling them out of their resources in the process.
Stereotypical cases abound to illustrate these dangers. The rich older man snatches up the sexy young woman, believing like a fool her false declarations of love, oblivious to the fact that she is only after his money until she divorces him and secures the prize. The ingenuous politician falls for the scheming sexy spy who has a hidden political agenda that she works toward by taking advantage of him, making him believe she is genuinely interested in him.
Yet some men are sexually aroused by fantasies of situations where they are manipulated and tricked by an attractive and desirable woman. Some men fantasize about being blackmailed, some fantasize about having their relationships or marriages wrecked, some fantasize about having personal secrets about them exposed to others, some fantasize about being brainwashed or hypnotized, some fantasize about being persuaded to change their political opinions, and the list goes on.
All of these kinks share the same theme: the woman in the fantasy seeks to manipulate the man in one way or another, with the end goal of ruining his social status or transferring his resources over to herself or both. As such, it makes sense to group them into a single category in this survey, especially so since they often overlap with one another.
Blackmailed
Some men fantasize about being blackmailed by an attractive woman who uses her sex appeal to lure the man into a compromising position from which she can gain the upper hand and coerce him into doing her favors under the threat of blackmail.
The blackmail material that the woman possesses in these fantasies and the favors that she seeks to gain from the man using this material depend on the role she occupies in the fantasy. The blackmail kink often intertwines with that of financial domination because the woman often seeks financial gain from the blackmail situation.
One fantasy involves a babysitter who lures the husband into the appearance of an affair with her. She secretly films him in situations where he appears to be adulterous or she secretly records a conversation with him that veers into intimacy. Once this blackmail material is secured, the woman puts an end to the sham of her sexual advances toward the man and reveals to him her true intentions. This moment of revelation is particularly potent in blackmail fantasies.
With the blackmail material in hand, the woman demands that the husband pay her in exchange for her silence. The risk to the man in this scenario is the destruction of the marriage, and so the blackmail kink intertwines with the homewrecking kink, presented further.
Another fantasy involves the new female employee who quickly finds her way around seducing her manager or the boss of the company she joins. Blackmail material in this case could be the semblance of an inappropriate sexual relationship between the female employee and her male superior, or sensitive material that she accidentally finds on the man’s work computer, perhaps embarrassing pornography that he watches or some other socially unacceptable behavior she discovers from his computer files.
The favors that the female employee hopes to secure in this case can be to make her way up the company ladder by securing quick gratuitous promotions, dispensation from work duties without consequences on the woman’s professional position, and generous salary raises. The risk to the man in this situation, if the woman exposes him, is the loss of his job and his position in the company as well as damage to his reputation.
A third role for the woman in blackmail fantasies is the girlfriend of an acquaintance to the man, such as a best friend or a roommate. In these fantasies, the woman will typically catch the man in an inappropriate act regarding her, such as looking at her improperly or stealing her clothes.
In exchange for keeping the inappropriate behavior a secret from the woman’s boyfriend, she can demand favors from the blackmailed man. These favors typically include acts of service to her or financial compensation. These fantasies can also include aspects of cuckolding involving the woman and her boyfriend if she decides to tease the blackmailed man in this fashion. The blackmailed man is of course attracted to the woman and desires her for himself but has to suffer the humiliation of knowing she is with the other man.
Other blackmail fantasies intertwine with aspects of the man’s sexual inadequacy in penis size. Blackmail material in these cases can be pictures or videos of the man’s small penis taken without his knowledge or consent. This can happen for example with a woman the man is hoping to have sex with, only to be denied for his small penis. With the photographs in the woman’s possession, she can extract benefits from the man under the threat of exposing his small penis on the internet or to the man’s friends or family.
In seeking to satisfy their blackmail kink, some men send sensitive information and compromising material on themselves to dominatrices online. The sensitive information can include personal details such as the man’s name, address, and workplace, as well as the contact information of the man’s acquaintances. Compromising material can include photos or videos the man takes of himself performing embarrassing or degrading acts such as masturbating or cross-dressing.
Exposed
The risk in blackmail fantasies is for the woman to expose the man using whatever blackmail material she has. Some men, however, fantasize about this act of exposure without any blackmail being present.
For example, a man with the small penis humiliation kink can fantasize about having pictures of his penis exposed to others. A man with the feminization kink can fantasize about being exposed to others as a sissy who secretly likes to cross-dress. A man with a kink for homosexual acts can fantasize about being exposed to others as gay.
The act of exposure in these fantasies is typically imagined to be inflicted by the man on himself with the encouragement of the attractive woman who seeks nothing to gain in the act except the humiliation of the man. As such, this kink is different from the blackmail kink but they can overlap.
Some pornography made to cater for the exposure kink instructs the man to play a pornographic video on speakers at a high volume with the risk of neighbors or people in other rooms hearing the sound. In videos made this way, the female performer will typically say embarrassing things about the man who runs the risk of being exposed to others and ridiculed for watching such taboo pornography.
What is particularly thrilling about the aforementioned exposure pornography is that the man does not know what the female performer will say or if she will shout on purpose to increase the risk of being heard by others. The viewer is instructed not to lower the volume for the whole duration of the video. If he fails to follow these instructions, a punishment is typically reserved.
Hacked
Some fantasies of manipulation have incorporated the new avenues of domination opened up by technological advances. These fantasies are collectively referred to as “tech domination” and they revolve around giving the woman access to the man’s electronic devices and online accounts and letting her do with them as she wishes.
The man can give access to his laptop or phone to the woman who can then browse and snoop around his data and perform any action she likes on those devices. The man can also give the woman access to his accounts on social media networks and other websites by sharing his login information and passwords.
With this kind of access, the woman can read the man’s messages and retrieve information on his contacts. She can send any messages she wishes from the man’s accounts to anyone and she can also publish anything she likes on the man’s social media pages.
Another element of these fantasies is the possibility for the woman to monitor the man’s online presence at all times. Perpetual access can be granted for this purpose to webcams, emails, browsing history, and online private chats and messages.
In these fantasies, the man who hands this power over to the woman finds it thrilling to obey the woman’s orders under the fear that she might ruin his life with a few clicks.
Homewrecked
Some men in relationships or marriages have the peculiar sexual fantasy of ruining their union. Such an act is called homewrecking. For example, a man can fantasize about being seduced by an attractive woman who enters his life and becomes the object of his infatuation. Under the woman’s influence, the man can be driven to risky actions that can wreck his relationship or marriage if they are discovered by his female partner.
On the surface, one might have the false impression that this fantasy is humiliating to the female partner as she is the one being betrayed. This, however, is not the case. In fact, the homewrecking is imagined to be disastrous for the man because he desires to stay with his female partner. She, however, has the power of ending their relationship or marriage upon discovery of the adultery. As such, the humiliation is suffered by the man in losing his female partner.
The homewrecking kink intertwines with the blackmail kink if the intention of the homewrecker is to extract benefits from the man, but this need not be the case. The seductress can instead seek to poach the man from his female partner and secure him as her mate, or she can simply be there to achieve the end goal of separating the man from his girlfriend or wife.
Financial domination can also be present in homewrecking fantasies if the man is encouraged to channel his resources to the seductress by spending money on her instead of his girlfriend or wife. The aspect of prioritizing the homewrecker is especially important in celebrations, most notably Valentine’s Day.
Some men fantasize about being seduced by a woman out of their league, a woman they know they have no chance of ever being with. In these fantasies, the man becomes so infatuated with the woman that he comes to worship her. Under her charm and spell, he becomes more sexually aroused by her than by his female partner.
This is particularly humiliating if, for example, the man fantasizes about being more interested in the homewrecker’s feet than in intercourse with his girlfriend or wife. This can go as far as the man becoming impotent in actual sex with his partner, only able to achieve an erection by fantasizing about the homewrecker or her feet.
Homewrecking fantasies can intertwine with kinks of rejection if the homewrecker tells the man that he does not deserve his female partner and that he should break up with her because she deserves a better man. Aspects of sexual inadequacy can also be present if the man is believed to be unable to sexually satisfy his girlfriend or wife. These fantasies can include the cuckolding kink if, for example, the homewrecker encourages the man to think about the greater satisfaction his female partner would derive from having sex with other men with bigger penises.
In some fantasies, the homewrecking is effected directly by the seductress if she enters into contact with the man’s girlfriend or wife and exposes his “true nature” to her, whatever that true nature is. Upon learning the man’s secrets, the woman is imagined to lose interest in her male partner. She comes to despise him, to look down on him, and to laugh at him. She sees him in a new light and she no longer thinks he is worthy of her. This ultimately leads to the break up. In this case, the humiliation is dished out in double as the homewrecker teams up with the female partner.
Control of the man’s sexual pleasure can be part of homewrecking fantasies if the homewrecker instructs the man to masturbate in risky ways. A common fantasy in this case is for the man to be instructed to masturbate next to his girlfriend or wife who is sleeping in the same bed. The man is encouraged to fantasize about the homewrecker and to pleasure himself with the very real risk of waking up his female partner to a very embarrassing situation that can lead to the dissolution of the couple’s union. The homewrecker can impose further humiliating acts during the masturbation session to make the experience more thrilling by making it even riskier for the man.
Lovesick
Some men fantasize about intensely desiring a woman to the point of falling in love with her, knowing full well that she will never reciprocate those feelings. In such a lovesick state, the man fantasizes about being taken advantage of by the woman who seizes on the opportunity to extract benefits to herself from the situation. The woman keeps the man on a virtual leash with the right balance of seduction and denial, and secures his attention and services in exchange.
Addicted
Some men fantasize about being addicted to an attractive woman just as they would be addicted to a drug. The feelings of weakness toward the woman and the inability to fight the impulse to do what she says characterize the addiction kink. The addiction can be focused on a certain part of the woman’s body, like her ass or her breasts or her feet. The beauty of the part that the man is addicted to is accentuated to the point that it becomes perfect in his imagination.
Addiction fantasies do not stop there. Even the process of attempting to quit the addiction and relapsing back into it can be the object of sexual fantasies of this kind. The man can derive sexual pleasure from imagining his vein struggle to rid himself of the woman’s influence or from his inevitable relapse into his addiction for her after an initially successful attempt at quitting it. The woman can mock the man for being so mentally weak and completely under her spell.
One type of fantasy that revolves around addiction to the woman is the so-called “hate jerk” where the man loathes his attraction to the woman but is unable to stop himself from masturbating to her. He is overpowered by his strong sexual fantasies and the yearning for the powerful woman that is the object of his addiction.
Trapped
Some fantasies are about a man’s coercion into commitment to a woman by impregnating her against his knowledge or will. Once the woman is impregnated, the man has no way of escaping his duties of parental support as the father of the future baby by way of which his resources become committed to the woman.
For example, a man can fantasize about wishing to leave a relationship with a woman he no longer wants to be associated with, only for her to somehow trick him into impregnating her. This can intertwine with the intoxication kink if the end goal of the woman is achieved through drugging the man.
A man can also fantasize about being trapped into having a baby with a woman he is having an affair with, in which case this intertwines with the homewrecking kink. Perhaps the man no longer wishes to pursue the affair. Perhaps the adulteress wishes the man to leave his partner and commit to her instead but the man refuses. In either case, impregnation traps the man into commitment to the woman.
Intoxicated
Some fantasies are about the man’s intoxication by an attractive woman who seeks to manipulate him under the influence of drugs. The woman can either surreptitiously drug the man, by slipping something in his drink for example, or encourage the man to willingly submit to the act of drugging by inhaling certain substances.
In the intoxicated state, the man becomes much more malleable to the suggestions of the woman who can get him to accede to doing things that would be out of the question in sobriety. The exact benefits the woman seeks to extract from the man depend on the fantasy.
The intoxication kink can intertwine with bondage. Some fantasies are about the man’s intoxication by the woman to the point of losing his consciousness and waking up to discover that he was physically bound by her in his sleep. The woman proceeds to work toward her malicious goals while the man is restrained and unable to stop her.
The duplicity of the woman plays an important role in these fantasies and the moment when she reveals her true intentions to the man, once he is under the effects of the drugs of course, can be particularly arousing. This was already discussed for the kink of blackmail and it is a common theme in manipulation fantasies in general.
In some fantasies, the man is administered a drug that acts as a truth serum. Under the imagined effect of this drug, the man fantasizes about surrendering to the woman and being unable to lie to her, compelled instead to tell her the truth about anything she asks.
A popular drug in these fantasies is “poppers”, the class of recreational drugs belonging to the alkyl nitrite family that were popular in the club scene of the late 20th century. These short-acting drugs have a rapid onset when inhaled. They act as muscle relaxants and produce a sensation of mild euphoria with warmth and dizziness.
Brainwashed
Some fantasies are about the manipulation of the man’s brain by an attractive woman by way of brainwashing1 or hypnosis or other mental manipulation techniques. Some fantasies involve the dangling of a pocket watch in front of the man in the stereotypical hypnosis scenario. Other fantasies involve the use of the woman’s voice and the performance of gestures like finger snaps to induce the man into a state of trance. The woman in these fantasies can be imagined to have some occupational role, most notably the man’s therapist.
In the course of the brainwashing or hypnosis session, the man can be made to repeat mantras and affirmations that deepen his state of suggestibility. Some pornography that caters to the brainwashing kink features special effects that the man imagines to have the power of influencing him and reprogramming his brain.
The imagined effects of the manipulation techniques involved in the brainwashing kink depend on the fantasy. These can include having the man’s brain reprogrammed to be more feminine (as in the kink of encouraged or forced feminization), having the man’s sexual orientation rewired to be gay (as in the kink of encouraged or forced homosexuality), and inducing the man into accepting to have his penis locked in a cage (as in the kink of chastity).
In some fantasies, the desired effect is to make the man accept his fate as a loser who does not deserve women and who should only seek to platonically make their lives better, not pursue them romantically or sexually (as in the kinks of rejection).
In some fantasies of this kind, the desired effect is to condition the man into sexually responding to certain parts of the woman’s body, like her feet for example, while simultaneously deconditioning him from responding to conventional sexual stimuli like women’s breasts and vaginas (as in the kinks of worship).
Other fantasies revolve around the planting of so-called triggers in the man’s brain which are specific words or gestures that, when uttered or performed by the woman, are imagined to induce an involuntary and unconscious response in the man such as making him submit to the woman or serve her in a variety of ways (as in the kinks of servitude).
A similar brainwashing effect is imagined to be achieved by the practice of so-called “gooning”, in which the man spends a considerable amount of time masturbating to pornography and edging himself without release. A man who practices gooning is called a “gooner”, a qualifier that the woman in these fantasies can use to verbally humiliate him. She can also refer to him as a mindless drone, in the sense of blindly following the woman’s instructions.
In gooning fantasies, the man is instructed to stay in an aroused state for an extended period of time without reaching orgasm, often watching the same pornographic video over and over again. He imagines that this behavior will have negative effects on his brain, conditioning him to become more submissive to the woman he desires.
Gooning fantasies often intertwine with rejection kinks as the woman humiliates the man for being unable to have her. He is made instead to suffer the fate of gooning to her for hours and hours on end, becoming more infatuated with her in the process and making himself even more pathetic by the same token.
Converted
Some manipulation fantasies revolve around the persuasion of the man to change his beliefs and opinions. The two main domains where such a switch of allegiance can be effected are politics and religion.
Some fantasies revolve around the mere humiliation of the man for the political opinions or the religious beliefs he holds. Other fantasies go the length of seducing the man into switching sides, subverting his existing dogma, converting him to another religion, realigning his political views, indoctrinating him with propaganda, and so on and so forth.
When it comes to religion, there is a particular version of conversion fantasies where the man is not inducted into an organized religion but he is persuaded to worship the woman herself in the image of a deity. These fantasies obviously intertwine with the kinks of worshiping the woman.
In the political culture of the United States, the issues that are most often the object of political humiliation fantasies are the culture wars of the zeitgeist between liberals and conservatives. For instance, a man who thinks abortion or gay marriage is wrong can fantasize about being humiliated for his beliefs by an attractive woman who makes him declare the opposite. A man who supports those causes can fantasize about being humiliated in the exact reverse way.2
This concludes a survey of the kinks involved in the category of the woman’s manipulation of the man. If you think something is missing from this overview, leave a comment and share your thoughts. You can also message me on Substack or on Reddit if you wish to remain anonymous and discuss privately.
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The line art in this essay’s card is by Georgian artist Dorian Chelios.
Pornography that caters to manipulation kinks often uses euphemisms. For example, “mesmerize” can be substituted for the heavier “brainwash”. These euphemisms are used to work around the rules of the online platforms on which this type of pornography is published. These platforms ban the use of certain words for legal reasons.
Some online sex workers who cater to the satisfaction of political humiliation fantasies hold the mistaken view that these fantasies only go in one direction: men with conservative beliefs who wish to be humiliated for them. The truth is that the fantasies go both ways. Perhaps the root of this mistaken belief is that online sex workers themselves tend to hold liberal views, and in consequence, they only fit the part of the political humiliatrix for men with conservative beliefs.