The structure of male submissive sexual fantasies: Sources and limitations

The primary sources used in my research (Femdom pornography, validated and completed by discussions with members of online adult communities) and the potential limitations of the approach.

Nov 03, 2024

This is part of a series of essays that collectively survey male submissive kinks. Find the Table of contents here.

The poverty of sources in the past has not prevented the pioneers of research into submissive sexual fantasies from unearthing a great deal of information, knowledge that has unfortunately been left to dust in the aisles of libraries. But even with the progress of the early years, there was no hope of arriving at a comprehensive understanding and classification of the content of men’s submissive sexual fantasies.

All that has changed in the span of a few years. The age in which we live has brought a wealth of new sources to the disposal of the student of this fascinating phenomenon. My descriptive survey of men’s submissive sexual fantasies is based on these new sources which I present here, consisting of pornography that caters to the submissive sexual fantasies of men, validated and completed by anonymous discussion with those men in specialized online communities. I also discuss the potential limitations of this double-pronged approach.

Sources

Pornography

There are many more men who have submissive sexual fantasies than there are women with a genuine interest in sexually dominating their male partners.1 This discrepancy means that the vast majority of these men cannot live out their intimate submissive sexual desires with a romantic partner.

Furthermore, the vast majority of these men cannot afford to procure the services of professional dominatrices who sexually dominate men for a living. Indeed, a session today with a dominatrix costs hundreds to thousands of dollars. Aside from the prohibitive price, there are additional costs to be incurred in approaching a dominatrix and in the process of building a professional relationship.

Even if professional services were affordable, not all men would have an interest in them, as a great number of sexually submissive men do not wish to involve themselves with other people in such taboo and personal matters. Indeed, it is likely that most men wish to keep that part of their sexuality private, unwilling to assume all the risks that come with divulging it to others. It is not uncommon for these men to struggle to be at peace with this part of themselves, let alone to be open about it.

With these considerations in mind, it is no surprise that the vast majority of men with submissive sexual fantasies seek to satisfy their sexual urges primarily in the outlet of pornography. The need that these men have created in the pornography market has been filled by women who specialize in creating so-called “Femdom” (i.e. female domination) content on the internet. Most of this pornographic content is in video form but there are other forms as well, such as erotic audios.

Video form

Femdom pornography is typically made in the format of videos. There are two main types. In the first, the female performer talks directly to the camera and the male viewer is assumed to be the subject of her domination. In the second type, the scene is filmed with a male performer who takes on the submissive role in being dominated, humiliated, or punished by the woman. The viewer is then simply a spectator of the interactions between the female actress and the submissive performer.

Some videos of the second type are actually made by professional dominatrices who consensually film their sessions with submissive men and make the videos available for sale. The submissive men in these videos are typically masked for the camera or have their faces blurred or otherwise obfuscated to preserve their anonymity.

The scenes in Femdom videos, regardless of the presence of male submissive performers, explore the sexual fantasies of the men who consume this type of pornography. Oftentimes, these videos do not include any sex or masturbation scenes, and many of them do not even feature nudity. It is rather through what the female performer says and what she suggests, through the mental images created by the dialogue, the tone, and the implications, that the viewer derives sexual pleasure.

Nevertheless, Femdom videos are considered pornographic because they are produced for the viewer’s sexual satisfaction. These videos can last anywhere from a few minutes to half an hour, sometimes more. They are often produced by amateur actresses that cater to the Femdom market, although there are independent small-time studios that hire these actresses for shooting as well.

The videos are often put up for sale on online adult platforms, with the typical price guideline of $1 per minute of video.2 The submissive kinks explored in these videos are often included as tags so that viewers can quickly identify material of interest.

The production of Femdom videos is driven by the profit motive. The female actresses or the producers behind the camera are incentivized to make content that appeals to the market so as to maximize sales. The ideas that are turned into video productions often come from the viewers themselves, either by suggestion or through commission.

In the latter case, men send detailed scripts of their sexual fantasies to the female actresses who are ready to act them out in front of the camera for a price. These commissioned videos are called “customs” and they are an additional source of revenue for Femdom actresses. These custom videos often end up for sale as well.

The men who ultimately drive the production of Femdom videos by suggesting ideas for scenes or commissioning entire clips remain anonymous to the public in the process. Thanks to this anonymity, these men have no incentive to inhibit themselves in what they request from the actresses. This gives free rein to the expression of the most intimate sexual desires.

For the aforementioned reasons, Femdom videos are oftentimes precise enactment of the submissive sexual fantasies of men, making this pornographic material an indispensable trove of information in the study of this phenomenon.

Audio form

Aside from visual pornographic material, some men also consume auditory pornography in the form of erotic audio recordings made for the purpose of sexual gratification. These audios are typically recorded by amateur female voice performers based on scripts that are usually submitted to them by male listeners.3 Some of this content caters to male submissive sexual fantasies.

This auditory pornographic material, although consumed to a lesser extent than visual pornography, has the advantage that it can explore a wider range of sexual fantasies. Visual pornography is constrained in the scenes it can enact by what can be filmed on a camera and what can be added with special effects on a budget. Auditory pornography, in contrast, opens up the door to the exploration of sexual fantasies that do not easily lend themselves to video form.

Other forms

Men with submissive kinks also gather in online communities to create and share pornographic material that caters to their specific sexual fantasies and to have general anonymous discussions about their common sexual interests.4

The forms of pornography created and shared in these communities include erotic short stories, so-called “captions” (pictures or short videos overlayed with erotic text), comics, and, nowadays, content generated by artificial intelligence.

Discussions

Femdom pornography constitutes a primary source in my research on male submissive sexual fantasies. As a counterbalance, I have sought discussions and interactions with members of online adult communities that cater to the male submissive kinks, where many men who have these kinks can readily be reached.

In the course of my research, I have engaged in countless conversations on the topic with men who, thanks to the anonymity provided by these platforms, were eager to speak about their fantasies and to present their own analyses of them. These discussions have informed my work by counterbalancing and complementing my findings from Femdom pornography.

My understanding of male submissive sexual fantasies and my description of them continues to be refined as I learn more, but the picture is converging with the promise of revealing new insight into this fascinating phenomenon.

Limitations

The critical reader might see some limitations to this double-pronged strategy of relying on pornographic material that caters to male submissive sexual fantasies, counterbalanced by anonymous discussions with men who have those fantasies to validate and complete the findings on the themes that form the structure of masochism in men.

Here, I critically examine three main objections that could be raised. First, that the pool of data is limited geographically, culturally, and linguistically. Second, that the expression of some sexual fantasies in pornographic material might be limited by law, custom, and the terms of service of the online platforms in which it is published. And third, that the medium of pornography puts limits on the fantasies that can be expressed.

Geography, culture, and language

The first limitation is geographical, cultural, and linguistic. Femdom video pornography is mostly produced in the western countries where such activities are legal. It is mostly made in western languages—mainly English—and it reflects the submissive fantasies of men who live in those western societies that share a common culture. The same can be said for the other forms of pornographic material catering to male submissive sexual fantasies. Likewise, the men who can be reached on online platforms for discussion about their submissive sexual fantasies are mostly from western countries. It can therefore be argued that this approach introduces a bias as the fantasies of men who live in other parts of the world are missing from the pool of data.

While the content of submissive sexual fantasies is undoubtedly influenced by geography, culture, and language, the evidence suggests that the core elements that drive sexual arousal are constant across time and place.5 These core elements—what I call the kinks—can be seen as the fundamental dimensions of the themes of male submissive sexual fantasies. Any submissive fantasy in men, however creative, is a construction based on these finite number of themes.

While it is conceivable that men in other parts of the world might express these themes in fantasies that are specific to their cultures, it is highly unlikely that there are other fundamental dimensions that are not revealed through the approach adopted here. Indeed, careful observation reveals that these core elements are a reflection of the psychology of human mating. If that psychology is indeed a product of evolution, then it follows that submissive kinks are as immutable as the psychology of mating itself.6

Law, custom, and terms of service

The second limitation that might be raised has to do with the range of sexual fantasies that are covered by Femdom video pornography due to considerations of law, custom, and content rules. It can be argued that there are fantasies that cannot be expressed in that type of pornography because such an expression would be illegal or would violate the terms of service of the online platforms on which such pornography is published. Furthermore, some fantasies might be so taboo that no female performer would dare touch them. These are reasonable claims.

It is true that, for their legal protection and for the protection of their business interests, the online platforms on which Femdom video pornography is published have strict guidelines governing the kind of content that is allowed. These platforms often prohibit content that either blurs the lines of legality or pushes the boundaries of custom too far. Some of this content is only banned from being depicted; mere discussion of it is allowed. Other content, however, is banned even from abstract discussion.

The following are examples of the type of content that can be restricted either in portrayal or discussion: activities that insinuate an absence of consent such as those involving intoxication, sleep, coercion, abduction, and rape; real bodily harm, including suicide and death; certain substances such as bodily excretions; content that involves nonhuman living creatures in some way; incest; prostitution; content that suggests that someone is underage; content filmed in public locations; airway restriction; the presence of real weapons; content that implies racism or religious desecration.

Different platforms vary in what they prohibit and what they allow. They also differ in how strictly they enforce their content rules. On these platforms, some of these rules are cleverly circumvented with the use of euphemisms. For example, content that caters to fantasies of death often uses substitute words like “end” instead of “death”, content that caters to mommy fantasies uses “step-mommy” to get around incest rules, mind control content uses euphemisms like “mesmerize”, and intoxication content uses comical expressions like “magic potion”.

Therefore, when studying Femdom video pornography, one has to be cognizant of all the devices that are used to work around the content rules. With this in mind, it is highly unlikely that some themes of male submissive sexual fantasies are missed in the study of this type of pornography. If the sexual interest is common enough, Femdom actresses and producers will find a way to meet the market need, even if it requires coming up with ways to circumvent content rules. In any case, the other types of Femdom pornography—especially those that are not made for profit—have less limitations of this kind.

Beyond legal considerations and content rules, it is conceivable that some themes of submissive sexual fantasies might be so taboo that Femdom actresses would be reluctant to depict them in video pornography. Most Femdom actresses do put limits on the kind of content they make. These limits are determined by multiple factors. The level of disgust that the actresses can personally handle can make some fantasies, like those involving bodily excretions, out of the question. The political stances of Femdom actresses can determine how far they are willing to go in fantasies that have a political dimension, like those of racial humiliation for example. External forces can also impose self-censorship due to potential risks carried in the depiction of some fantasies, like those involving the desecration of religious books or the use of racial slurs.

Since Femdom video pornography is made for profit and is directly sold to the consumer, the market forces of supply and demand are at play. The more taboo a fantasy is, the more money a man on the internet is willing to pay to have it depicted. With the pecuniary incentive in mind, there will inevitably be Femdom actresses that cave in to the market demand. Indeed, if one looks hard enough, one can find depictions of the most taboo fantasies in Femdom pornography, including the aforementioned scenarios.

Technical limitations of medium

The third limitation that might justifiably be raised is that the medium of video is limited in the range of sexual fantasies that it can express. While this is evident, even fantastically unrealistic fantasies—like those of giant women and tiny men—still find their expression in Femdom video pornography with the aid of the viewer’s suspension of disbelief.

It has to be kept in mind that the mere talk of a fantasy in the abstract is enough to cause sexual arousal, no matter how unrealistic the fantasy is. Thus, sexual fantasies need not be depicted in action to find their expression in Femdom video pornography. But with that said, even in the case of fantasies of giant women and tiny men, Femdom actresses go a long way in attempting to depict in action the various unrealistic scenarios in those fantasies.

While video pornography is more limited as a medium in what it can express, the other forms of Femdom pornography, like audio and written forms, have less technical limitations. Therefore, taken altogether, and especially taking into account the discussions with men who have submissive sexual fantasies, it is highly unlikely that any themes are missed in this analysis due to the technical limitations of the pornographic medium.

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The line art in this essay’s card is by Georgian artist Dorian Chelios.

This view has always been widely accepted, and it is reflected in scientific surveys. For example, in a sample of more than a thousand respondents, 19% of men had submissive fantasies but only 5% of women had dominant ones. Joyal, Christian C. & Carpentier, Julie. (2016). The Prevalence of Paraphilic Interests and Behaviors in the General Population: A Provincial Survey. The Journal of Sex Research, 54(2), 161–171.

The three main platforms where these clips are sold are, as of the time of writing, iWantClips.com, ManyVids.com, and Clips4sale.com, with the first one catering specifically to Femdom pornography. Additionally, Femdom models sell content on subscription platforms, with the main ones being OnlyFans.com, Fansly.com, and LoyalFans.com.

As of the time of writing, the biggest platform on the internet for auditory pornography is a Reddit community called GoneWildAudio.

As of the time of writing, Reddit is the most prominent online platform where such communities exist (called subreddits). There seems to be a subreddit for every imaginable submissive kink.

In other work, I show how these submissive kinks in men have not changed in more than a century ever since their scientific study began in the late 19th century.

In other work, I expound on the evolutionary psychology of both male and female submissive sexual fantasies, and propose a unifying framework for both.