Male Masochism: Virgin fantasies
Learn about the psychology of men’s submissive kinks in short digestible pieces. In this entry, men’s sexual fantasies of being virgins.
In societies that have unshackled sexual relations from religious norms, male virginity is a stigma. Boys are expected to have their first sexual intercourse in their adolescence, sometime after puberty. Boys go to great lengths to lose their “V-card”—as it is colloquially referred to—lest they become the subject of ridicule among their peers. The more the loss of virginity is delayed, the more embarrassing the matter becomes.
A male who wishes to lose his virginity has to persuade a female to have sex with him. Some males manage to do this, but others struggle, and some of those who struggle remain virgins well into adulthood, against their will and despite their best efforts. There are even virgin old men who never had a single sexual experience.
Men who are virgins not by choice but by circumstance simply could never interest a woman in having sex with them. In their unconscious minds, the failure to obtain sexual intercourse, even once in their lives, is a silent, scathing judgment on their adequacy as mates in the reproductive market.
Being a virgin male can thus be cause for great embarrassment. For the masochistic virgin, this status affords rich material for his sexual fantasies. He may imagine himself in a range of scenarios where his virginity becomes the reason for his ridicule and humiliation by an attractive woman. The gist of it is to deride the virgin for his inadequacies, which are at the source of his inability to interest women in sex.
The virgin masochist may, for instance, fantasize that a woman he likes discovers—by accident or confession—that he is a virgin. Depending on the situation, this knowledge may make the woman reject him, refuse to sleep with him, or simply laugh at him and ridicule him for the embarrassing fact.
Some fantasies play on the upset of expectations. The virgin may get very close to losing his virginity, with an interested woman on the verge of becoming intimate with him. Alas, she discovers at the last moment that he is a virgin, and she categorically refuses to proceed. The promise of intimacy proves illusory, and the virgin’s hope of having sex remains unfulfilled.
Virgin fantasies easily lend themselves to the theme of male sexual inadequacy. Because the virgin masochist lacks sexual experience, he may be mocked for his probable incompetence in a hypothetical first-time scenario. The dominating woman may predict that, in the event he manages to have sex, he will fail miserably, by not obtaining an erection, achieving orgasm prematurely, or simply not knowing how to pleasure his partner.
The point is that even if the virgin succeeds in obtaining sexual access to a woman, it will be irrelevant because she will most likely not find pleasure in the encounter. Such a sexual experience will thus amount to an error, rather than a demonstration of the virgin’s fitness as a mate on the dating market.
In virgin fantasies, the woman may predict that the masochist will remain a perpetual virgin—a virgin for life, as the expression has it. She can encourage him to lose any hope he may still have about losing his virginity one day. She can also condition him to accept this sorry fate as his reality and to make peace with it.
The virgin may be made to reflect on all the effort he expended, in vain, in his past attempts to have sex with women. He may also be made to reflect on the reasons for his inability to secure sexual intercourse from women, whatever those reasons may be in his particular case. In this reflection, he may be made to see his past failures as a collective judgment rendered by the entire female sex on his fundamental unworthiness of having sex with women.
The thought of being a perpetual virgin becomes more potent in the erotic imagination of the masochist as he advances in age. With each passing year that he fails to change his status, the prospect of remaining a virgin for life looms ever larger in his mind.
Because male virginity is typically kept secret from others, the virgin masochist can also be aroused by the threat of being exposed to women for this embarrassing secret, especially to women he is interested in. The implication is that this knowledge will make other women lose any interest they could possibly have in him, as his virginity is a signal of his inadequacy as a man.
It is a reasoning by social proof: if every woman in the man’s past decided not to sleep with him, then they must have had a valid reason for doing so. Ergo, every future woman will avoid sleeping with the virgin as well, as there must be something wrong with him that they will likewise wish to avoid. The exposure of the virgin’s status can actively work against him in this way, frustrating his hopes and efforts of ever losing his virginity.
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Further reading
Why are some men aroused by the idea of being virgins? Because these fantasies primarily express the theme of the man’s failure to obtain sexual access to women. This basic theme is one of several sources of erotic stimulation in men’s masochism. Read more about it below. 👇
