A survey of male submissive kinks: #1 Rejection of sexual interest
The category that deals with sexual fantasies of rejection, friendzone, losers, beta males, virgin humiliation, simps, censoring, etc., and how they intertwine with other kinks.
This is part of a series of essays that collectively survey male submissive kinks. Find the Table of contents here.
Since women are the sexual selectors, men have to approach and express interest in them for a chance to mate successfully. When a man expresses interest in a woman, he runs the risk of being rejected. This seems fairly innocuous in the modern world, yet the fear of rejection looms large in the psychology of men when it comes to their dealings with women.
Because of this fear of rejection, most men tend to avoid approaching women and expressing interest in them. They have a good reason to do so since the odds are generally not in their favor: women reject most men who approach them, either because the women are already taken or because the interest is not mutual.
The average man experiences a physiological response of fight-or-flight at the thought of approaching a woman he likes and expressing interest in her. This seems irrational given the fact that in the modern world the outcome of rejection is largely inconsequential. It is likely that this seemingly irrational fear is an evolved psychological reaction to threats that existed in the ancestral past but that have largely disappeared in today’s world. As to what these threats might have been, we can only speculate.
A very plausible threat lies in approaching a woman who is already taken. This transgression, we can imagine, must have been met with severe punishment as men sought to guard their mates from being poached. Indeed, the act of hitting on a taken woman carries these consequences even today in large parts of the world. But this cannot be the full story, as men tend to fear being rejected because the woman is not interested in them more than they fear rejection because the woman is already taken.
Rejection because the woman is not interested in a man signifies that he is not enough for the woman, that he is inferior to what she expects in a mate. This represents a failure of the man’s reproductive strategy of obtaining the woman’s interest. Some men have sexual fantasies that revolve around this rejection: they are aroused by the idea of being rejected by the women they desire. This category explores the kinks involved in these fantasies.
Friendzone
The sexual fantasies of men who have rejection kinks can take many forms in their erotic imagination. In some of them, the man makes an advance toward the woman, perhaps asking her out on a date, but the woman rejects him, informing him she prefers to stay friends with him, that she only sees him as a platonic friend and not a romantic or a sexual partner. In such a case, the man is said to be put in the “friendzone”, or “friendzoned” for short.
In the real world, the friendzone is a dreadful place to be for many men who try their best to get out of it. Their efforts often go in vain. Men with sexual fantasies of rejection, however, can eroticize the idea of being in the friendzone, doomed to experience the woman they desire only platonically, and being denied romantic and sexual access to her.
In some fantasies, the humiliation aspect is not explicit in the rejection, but it is always implied. Being friendzoned represents the failure of the man’s reproduction strategy. Therefore, he faces humiliation, even though the woman might not make it explicit in her rejection of him.
Loser
In other fantasies, rejection is accompanied with overt humiliation. The woman takes a less polite approach to the man’s advances, laughing at him and castigating him for the audacity of asking her out, putting him back in his place and reminding him of his position vis-à-vis her: that he has no chance with her, that she is out of his league, that he could never hope to do anything with her. He is just a “loser” who does not deserve her.
In these fantasies, men often derive pleasure from being called humiliating names that are degrading to their masculinity. For this verbal humiliation, there is no shortage of words: loser, wimp, wuss, pathetic, weak, useless, worthless, failure, etc. Gestures also often come into play, notably the loser “L” symbol and the middle finger.
The woman can verbally humiliate the man further by telling him that his sex life completely revolves around masturbating and watching pornography, or that the only things he will ever have sex with are his hand or his fleshlight (a sex toy in the form of a vagina). The woman can blame the man for his own fate by telling him for example that watching pornography has ruined him and that he brought his loser fate on himself.
Some men fantasize about apologizing to the women they have desired in the past, begging forgiveness for the audacity they had to pursue them. Similarly, they can fantasize about apologizing to the women they had sex with, eroticizing the idea that they did not deserve to have sexual access to those women. The humiliation of apology is even more intense if it is another woman who is forcing the man to do it to others.
This humiliation can also include corporal punishment, where the man is made to suffer physical pain and torment for the transgression of making advances toward the woman. The punishment, often directed to the man’s genitals, serves as a reminder to the man of his inferior position.
Beta male
In recent times, sexual fantasies of rejection have also been cast in the internet terminology of so-called “alpha males” and “beta males”. The former represent the men that women really desire, the men that excite them sexually, the men that women want to have sex with. The latter, the beta men, represent the men who lack the traits and attributes that women seek, and they are doomed in consequence to desire women with no reciprocity on the part of their objects of desire.
The terminology of “alpha” and “beta” comes from the zoological study of dominance hierarchies in animals. The males, competing for limited access to resources and mates, establish a pecking order wherein the betas adopt a submissive attitude toward the alphas who end up with disproportionately more reproductive success with the females of the species.
In some sexual fantasies, the woman rejects the man because he is a beta male, unable to live up to the high standards of an alpha. In this context, the duality of alpha and beta can be potent in the erotic fancy of submissive men. In their fantasies, the woman has a preference for “bad boys” (the alpha males). These men do not care about her, they can even mistreat her, yet she is sexually attracted to them.
In contrast, the “nice guy” (the beta male) devotes great attention to the woman, invests time and resources in her, is always there for her when she needs him, yet she is not sexually attracted to him at all.
A particularly arousing element in these fantasies is when the woman complains to the beta male about her predicament: that she is attracted to those bad boys despite her best efforts, that she knows they are not good for her yet she cannot help it, that it is stronger than her, that no matter how hard she tries, she finds it futile to fight the urge to give in to those alpha men. In contrast, she knows that the beta male is good for her but she does not see herself ever being with him.
In this particular dynamic, some men fantasize about winning over the woman when she grows older and finally decides to settle for a “nice guy”. After spending her youth pursuing bad boys who only wanted to have sex with her, and after racking up sexual partners in her promiscuous days, she finally decides to settle for the beta male simply because he is the provider.
In these fantasies, there is a prominent element of cuckolding as the man imagines himself unable to sexually arouse the woman like those bad boys of the past could. There is also an element of financial domination as the woman only settles for the man because he is a provider, not because she loves him or is sexually attracted to him, but simply because he will assure her a comfortable future.
Bestie
The woman in rejection fantasies can decide to stay friends with the man she rejects. As her platonic friend, he is destined to provide the woman with all the services and privileges of a boyfriend, save for the one important area of sex, where he is completely denied access, forever.
In such a dynamic, the woman does not reciprocate with anything. The man feels himself privileged to be able to enjoy the woman’s friendship. He feels it is all he could hope to get as the inferior man he is, in his desperate yearning for a woman so evidently out of his league.
In some fantasies, the man eroticizes the idea of being the woman’s best friend, or “bestie” for short, the friend with whom she shares everything about her life—in a platonic way of course. Most notably, she can share with her bestie the details of her sex life with other men.
The bestie gets aroused by hearing the sexual exploits of the woman he is practically in love with, living his desire for her vicariously through the tales she shares with him. These fantasies involve strong aspects of cuckolding, where the man is made to suffer the humiliation of the woman giving herself to other men while he gets nothing, despite all the attention and privileges he bestows on the woman he desires.
When the woman considers the man her bestie, she can come to treat him almost as a girlfriend. As such, these fantasies can intertwine with kinks of feminization, where the man is made to do girly things with his bestie: going shopping with her, gossiping about the men in her life, being made to wear female clothes just for fun, and so on and so forth. Some men derive great sexual satisfaction from this humiliation.
In some fantasies, the dynamic between the man and the woman starts off as an innocent friendship, and when the man confesses his feelings to the woman, she reacts by telling him she always thought he was gay. These fantasies and others play on the popular trope of an attractive woman having a gay male best friend. Because the best friend is assumed to be attracted to men, the woman need not worry about their friendship getting complicated as it would inevitably with a heterosexual best friend, a friendship in which sexual or romantic attraction is always lurking beneath the surface.
When the man is considered a gay bestie, he is not only denied sexual access to the woman, but his whole sexual orientation comes to be questioned by her. Accordingly, these fantasies intertwine with kinks of encouraged or forced homosexuality. The woman can encourage her gay bestie to consider exploring his sexuality with men rather than women, seeing as he is unable to get sex with women anyway. This is a humiliating prospect for the man, and this humiliation is arousing.
Similar to how the woman can feminize the man by seeing him as a girlfriend or question his sexual orientation by considering him a gay bestie, some fantasies revolve around the woman believing the man to be asexual. In being asexual, the man is stripped in the eyes of the woman of all his sexual desire, becoming virtually castrated.
Reasons for rejection
In fantasies that revolve around rejection, the reasons behind it can include any shortcoming of the man in relation to the traits and attributes that women seek in partners. These shortcoming include being too short, too old, too fat, too scrawny, and not manly enough. Notably, the rejection can also be due to the man’s penis size if it deemed to be too small for the woman’s satisfaction, in which case these fantasies intertwine small penis humiliation and similar themes of sexual inadequacy.
Another reason for rejection is race or ethnicity. A man of a given ethnic background can fantasize about being unworthy of a woman of an ethnicity thought to be superior. For example, a white man might see black women as beings of a superior race in his erotic imagination. Similarly, men from certain parts of the world might see European white women as superior.
These elements of “raceplay” can intertwine with aspects of worship and servitude, where the inferior man believes it is his natural place to worship the superior woman as a goddess or to serve her as a servant or a slave. Elements of cuckolding are often incorporated as the man imagines the woman having sex with men of equal or superior racial standing to her while he could never dream of having sex with her because of his inferior race.
Some men also like to be overtly humiliated for their race or ethnicity as being inferior. In this case, the verbal humiliation the woman deals the man can incorporate racial slurs that serve to sexually arouse him as yet another avenue for humiliation. Religion can serve in much the same way for some men, with profane words and blasphemous acts functioning as indirect humiliation methods.
Virgin
If the man happens to be a virgin, this element can be incorporated in the rejection kink to form fantasies where the woman laughs at the man for having been unsuccessful in losing his virginity. The older the man, the more cause for embarrassment this affords.
In these fantasies, the woman can humiliate the man not only for her rejection of him, but also for every other woman’s. She can tell him he will never be able to lose his virginity and he should just accept his fate as a perpetual virgin, a virgin-for-life.
If the man is not a virgin but has not had sex in a while, the woman can still humiliate him for his failure to attract women. She can predict his lifelong celibacy and encourage him to stop trying. She can also tell him that the times that he had sex were simply errors that should have never happened, that he probably failed to satisfy the women he slept with, and that they probably regretted having sex with him.
In this context, the woman can humiliate the man by telling him that he needs to feel regret as well, that he should have always refrained from pursuing sex with women because he is not man enough to obtain it, and that he should apologize to his past sexual partners for this transgression.
Simp
In fantasies of rejection, the privilege of enjoying a woman’s sexuality is reserved for real men, the alphas, not the beta males and the losers who should really avoid making women uncomfortable by trying to date them and to have sex with them. They should simply understand that they should not pursue something that is not meant for them.
This does not mean that the inferior men should be segregated from women forever: they can still enjoy women platonically by serving them in other ways and by making their lives easier without ever hoping to get any romantic or sexual access to them, even though that is what they desperately yearn for.
In internet terminology, when the man pursues a woman in the hope of a romantic or sexual relationship, showering her with attention and being at her beck and call, and when the woman enjoys these benefits without ever reciprocating or having the intention to, the man is considered a “simp” and the behavior is referred to as “simping”. This is also a theme in sexual fantasies of rejection, where men eroticize their humiliating status as simps to beautiful attractive women.
The rejection can be explicit if the woman makes it clear to the man that he has no chance with her but the man continues simping in desperation, or it can be implicit if the woman leads the man on, taking advantage of all the material benefits she derives from him and making him believe that maybe, just maybe, one day she will give in to his advances. All the while, the woman never really has the intention of getting romantically or sexually involved with the man.
If the man bestows money or gifts on the woman, these fantasies can intertwine with aspects of financial domination. In some scenarios, these material benefits can be the sole reason the woman accepts to stay friends with the man and allow him continued platonic access to her. In return, the man is forced to spend money on the woman.
Rejection fantasies can also intertwine with aspects of orgasm control and denial, where the woman imposes a condition on the man for being friends with her: that he has to lock himself up in chastity so as to avoid any sexual arousal he might get from being in her vicinity and interacting with her. The woman holds on to the keys of chastity, thus controlling the man’s sexual pleasure.
Censoring
On the internet, some men with sexual fantasies of rejection derive satisfaction from denying themselves the pleasure of viewing the conventionally attractive parts of the female body. Accordingly, they censor images and videos of women’s breasts, buttocks, and private parts.
The act of censoring is often accomplished through pixelation and blurring, and the pixels and blurs can come to hold the significance of rejection in the erotic imagination of these men.
In the age of ubiquitous access to pornography, where the spectacle of female sexuality is one click away for anyone to watch, it is fascinating that some men derive pleasure from denying themselves what is readily available to them.
Thus, the rejection kink extends from the realm of sexual relations between the sexes to the private domain of masturbation, where the man believes that he not only does not deserve to have sex with women, but that he does not deserve to even look at them naked in his private viewing of pornographic material.
Some of these men enjoy viewing censored pornography, where the body parts of the women and the sexual acts performed are purposely pixelated or otherwise obfuscated from the viewer’s eyes. The kink of encouraged homosexuality can come into play if female genitalia is censored in heterosexual pornography but male genitalia is not, in which case the viewer’s focus is shifted to the penis and his homosexual feeling is encouraged.
Some men fantasize about having all the pictures of a woman they desire be censored and losing access to the original uncensored pictures forever, thus forcing themselves to only view the “safe” pictures. Such material is often referred to as “beta-safe”, that is, safe for consumption by beta males. Uncensored pictures are rather reserved for alpha men.
In accordance with how pathetic the man feels himself to be in relation to the woman, he might even feel like he does not deserve to see the woman in revealing outfits. As such, even non-pornographic material, simple images of clothed women, get censored and become arousing to men with these fantasies.
Some men go so far as to censor the woman’s eyes in photographs, denying themselves the chance of looking her in the eyes, believing they should rather always be looking down to be respectful, cognizant of their inferiority in relation to her.
Oftentimes in these fantasies, the focus is shifted to other parts of the female body, such as the feet or the belly or the hands or the armpits, and the beta male is made to suffer his humiliating fate of only being able to see these parts, because they are the only parts he truly deserves. From this, he derives great sexual pleasure.
Some men with these fantasies go so far as to censor even those humiliating body parts, such as feet. In effect, they enjoy feeling like they do not even deserve to see those parts uncensored.
Worship and soiling
Rejection fantasies in general often involve aspects of female worship. After the woman rejects the man, she naturally rises to the status of the unattainable goddess, and the man naturally falls to the position of serving her from an inferior place.
According with this dynamic, the desire of the man, which used to be focused on the conventional sexual body parts of the woman like her breasts and vagina, shifts to other body parts that are humiliating such as her feet and her armpits.
Aspects of the man’s soiling can be involved if the focus is shifted to the woman’s body fluids, like her spit, her sweat, and her urine. The focus can also be shifted to the woman’s articles of clothing like her dirty socks and her soiled underwear.
Ignore
A particular rejection fantasy is for the woman to not take any notice of the man. She completely ignores him, even when he is present in her immediate vicinity. The man eroticizes the idea of being so unworthy of the woman that he becomes almost invisible to her.
In fantasies of being ignored by the woman, she carries on normal activities like reading a book or scrolling on her phone while being completely oblivious to the man’s presence. This can be accompanied for example by a prominent display of the woman’s feet, to which the man’s attention is focused.
Some fantasies involve the man’s masturbation in front of a woman who is oblivious to his presence in the aforementioned fashion. These fantasies often culminate in the man’s ejaculation on the woman’s body, an act that does not disconcert the woman in the least. She carries on her activity as if nothing had happened, not paying the slightest attention to the man or his ejaculation on her body.
Tease and denial
Finally, there are fantasies that revolve around the act of teasing the man and denying him afterward. The woman uses her sex appeal to entice the man. She can drive him to a state of great sexual arousal which she leaves ungratified. The denial can take different forms and can be dealt in varying gradations. A few examples will serve to illustrate.
The man and the woman can have sex but she ceases the activities before he reaches climax, leaving him frustrated. More denial is involved if the man is not allowed to touch the woman but she has free rein to touch him, stimulating him but ultimately leaving him with no release.
Even more denial is involved if the man is denied all sexual contact with the woman but is allowed to masturbate freely to climax. Denial continues in gradation if the man can masturbate but not climax, and if masturbation itself is entirely forbidden.
The denial in these fantasies is usually focused on the man’s masturbation and orgasm, but it can also be focused on certain parts of the woman’s body, such as her breasts, her buttocks, or her genitalia. The woman teases the man with these body parts hidden from his view. He is left, in frustration, to imagine what they look like naked.
This concludes a survey of all the kinks involved in the category of the rejection of the man’s sexual interest in the woman. If you think something is missing from this overview, leave a comment and share your thoughts. You can also message me on Substack or on Reddit if you wish to remain anonymous and discuss privately.
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The line art in this essay’s card is by Georgian artist Dorian Chelios.